why, hello, ferrero rocher.
tonight, we tried some finger painting. with vanilla pudding. i was so excited to be doing something safe and creative with her wherein i didn’t have to keep saying, “no, it’s not for eating” that i immediately shared the knowledge of it’s puddingness with z. she spent half the time painting and half eating gobs of pink and blue ‘paint.’
we ended up doing a quick mop afterwards. after being covered in pudding, that is. cuz i got pudding loves from z, which i guess means that either the sugar made her love me or getting down on the floor and dirty=affection. either way, i’ll take it, pudding in my hair or not.
i was not successful in my 6am wakeup or avoidance of starbucks. i did get woken at 4:30 though, so that should count. and the starbucks, it was discounted. but seriously, really, i’m going hardcore. starting tomorrow.
so now, instead of this huge, impossible fucking list of the month’s to do shit on my sidebar, i’ve got the week’s goals. if you care.
nope, not celebrating. unless you count carb loading, then hot damn! it’s the new millennium.
fn was going to come over. we were going to have a sleepover. but she decided to stay home and watch some stick-puck and movies with the other person i asked to come over, fh. so new year’s eve will consist of me, sitting alone, eating more than my stomach would like and drinking tea in front of the tv/computer (dependant upon dizziness levels). wooh.
it’s really not the sucky alone on a holidayness. that’s fine. i don’t even think of this as a holiday. i mean, it’s not like anyone’s throwing stat pay my way, why would i think of january 1st as anything more special than, say, june 1st. (why do you? just curious. i’ve always not really ‘gotten’ the whole new year’s thing, so.)
it’s just that now, the majority of my friends and i communicate via email – moms are often only available during naptime (shhh! quiet typing needed) and distance is a factor with some, too. so like, i can go a couple days without hearing adult voices, especially talking directly to me (!) unless i’m paying them money to do so. it’s kinda lonely, sometimes, you know?
cuz i can only talk about santa for so much longer, zoë. especially since it’s every third word, still. seriously, can we move on from santa, please?
but ~JOY ~ today, z took her nap within 4 minutes of me laying her out (i mean, down. yeah, that’s it…) and then bedtime, it only took about 25 minutes tonight. on day one of re-doing/trying the ferber method (augmented to not be so damn cold-hearted, dammit).
bedtime meant winding down for half an hour before reading three stories and then singing a couple of songs. then i rocked her for 2 mins, then ‘laid down with her in the crib’ (i put my head on her tummy and she puts her arms around it…it’s really cute, not so good during the dizziness and gives me a crib rail tummy imprint, everytime) for two minutes. then kisses and loves and i walk away, saying “soothing, confidence inspiring” shit. 5 mins later, i’m back in there, rocking her for 2 mins, then laying for another 2, then outtie again. then 10 mins later, same deal. by the 4 minute mark after the third time in her room, she was OUT.
so really, less effort on both of our parts, than usual. tomorrow, we start at 10 minutes’ waiting time.
could be the 5 hours she was awake during in the middle of the night, yesterday. seems she has an alarm and if i’ve just gone to bed or am about to, and she’s going to wake up, that’s when it’ll happen. normally, a quick sip of milk or water and some rocking and she’s back out within 10-20 mins. but last night…
she woke at 1:12 and went back to sleep at 6:17. i shit you not. at one point, she wanted to run and jump and bounce and SING! i was never going to be that mom who ‘allowed’ her child to wake up in the middle of the night and play cuz the principle of it is that it’s bedtime and that was where they’ll stay. now, i’m that mom. i’ve let her do it twice. if she’s really really worked up and over two hours does nothing to relax her, i’m throwing on a movie, i’m propping myself upright and i’m dozing while she runs around the childproof-ished apartment all she likes. i also give her a snack (carbs) and some milk (maybe the tryptophan myth is true for her, dammit!).
i’m such a light sleeper, i don’t know why it never occurred to me before. one change of sound and i’m BAM awake like when she’d latch on in the middle of the night with teeth outstretched a year ago.
so, movie, notebook and tea. here i come. tomorrow…day one of resolutions. i will wake up at 6am, as chocolate is my witness!
why, hello, ferrero rocher. 
