first off i should let you know that it is not sober night. just had to get that outta the way.
i would really appreciate it if you would go and watch this cuz everytime a boy has told me i’m beautiful, which is a surprising amount and therefore i obviously have known a lot of retarded boys, this is what i figured they really meant.
i’m eating lots. lots of crap mostly. it’s having a psychological effect. oh and spinning has gone outta the winder cuz my bank realized an error they made like 21 days ago and reversed it and that means they withdrew like $200 from my account. this is truly a fuckbeans moment, but like i had the motivation to go more than once anyways, or the childcare i could depend to happen right, or shorts to wear. OR A SPORTSBRA the most important part!
the 4000% is consistent today. nooice for me, but i don’t care, really. (*mantras*my whole worth will not be based on how many men look at me and how my whole worth will not be based on how many men look at me and how *endeth mantra*)
tomorrow, i’m nervous about cuz fh and i were in a fight again last nite, a rapidly escalating one and he will be here, again.
oh also z learned to go down the slide alone today at circle (jerk) time. i’ve stopped calling it playtime mostly, cuz it just comes down to the circle time at the end. during which i am sometimes the leader. that’s how you know i am in love with her: i will not only stay for circle time and sing along, but i will also do hand actions and pick the songs myself and sing alone at times cuz it’s toddlers and if i do it wrong, they’ll just laugh. i used to sneak out 3 minutes before circle time but dammit she’s so fucking musical.
also tonight i spend $40 on a holiday dress for her cuz a couple people were like, she needs to have a holiday dress. and there was nothing i like for her and she is between sizes so it’s a waste of money etc etc. so i ended up compromising and buying her a cord jumper with matching tights and a shirt but now, vodka has made me come to my senses and say, “fuck that noise. if other people want her in dresses, they can put her in dresses. i like my rugged princess who will not resemble a potential cross-dresser in her dirty rinse jeans and hoodies.
at the gap today i saw skinny jeans that came in 3 month sizes. the world is so fuct up.
