{w}rite of passage: on progressive change

He says, “I know that you’re all in this hippy frame of mind where the normal world doesn’t have to exist, but man, it does. She’ll fall behind. She’ll lose all of her friends. She can’t handle being one of those kids.”

“She won’t lose friends and she won’t be behind in anything because she’ll be living. She’s already, if we’re talking measurements, ahead. But it’s more than that. She can’t sit in a room for eight hours and be told how to be herself, but smarter. Life isn’t just about math and science, it’s also about emotional intelligence. She’s incredible, you know. She’s so empathetic, she can’t focus on walking down the street without tripping, because she notices the homeless man crying on the corner. Then she asks why he’s sad. She’s been like that for most of her life.”

“So what you’re saying is, she got the worst things from both of us?”

He’s sarcastic, wine adding glee, making him insert humour into this potential A-bomb conversation I’m so passionate about.

I retort, beaming, and smack the smile from his face.

“She’s already better than either of us could ever aspire to be. She’s amazing and inspiring, period.”

He’s serious now, wondering whether the pills I’ve been taking has created this opinion, whether eggshells are what’s underfoot as he responds.

“Yeah, I know she’s great. She’s beautiful, she’s smart, she’s three and she already has a fucking sense of humour. I just hope that life doesn’t beat that out of her. I hope that I can teach her how to be happy.”

He’s not getting it. He thinks that life is something that happens to you, not a mambo you do with each breath, seeking different and same within each blink and thought and memory. Imprinted on his soul is the message that jaded is a consequence of life span.

I take a deep breath and my eyes feel like they’re shining maniacally.

“We can’t teach her to be happy. We have to guide her to learn how to fall from happiness and bounce back. We have to let her see that she doesn’t have to be happy all of the time.”

Pensive. No more jokes. I prod, “Do you think that being told to sit still, to learn about fractions at 10am, and that she needs to fit into a little tiny box with the other children will help her learn that?”

He looks at me, so crystal clear that I can’t see the tannins and thc cloud his mind.

“Okay. But she has to have scheduled time with other kids. I mean it. I don’t want her missing out on a social life. And you need to play with her more.”

This post is in response to this week’s {w}rite of passage challenge. I can’t add the linky, but visit the page to participate or find other writers, hell-bent on ripping the band-aids off of their writing.

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  • al_pal

    Wow. Great piece. Glad you got his agreement.

  • shredderfeeder

    A glimmer of hope. He sounds like he MIGHT be ready to understand.

  • lceel

    We home schooled out two oldest boys. They NEVER missed out on socialization. Not in the least. And they are just fine as adults, thank you.

    He's stuck in the rut of the 'safe' and 'familiar'. Which obviously served him well. (Where the f*ck is the 'sarcastic' icon when you need it?) Don't listen to him. You're on the right track. You go girl. Yo. *fist bump*

  • Guest

    Oh oh oh boy, do I have a challenge to that. Social skills my @ss! When my oldest son entered the local high school he got hit with some of the WORST social skills I've ever seen. Sleezy texts from slutty 14 yo girls, dumped by his first girlfriend the night before his 18th bday, a 'close friend' stole his $300 I Touch denying it to his face until my son went to stay the night at his house for the guy's birthday and found it damaged lying on his desk. (BTW, my son paid for it out of his own hard earned money which made it an even more painful, hard lesson learned.)

    These were all friends that he made on his own through the high school, most of which I objected to, but soon realized that he didn't want my opinion anymore. Well, he's seen the light so to speak and I have my son back. The bounce was quite painful to me especially when he started to like the girlfriend's mother (single mom) more than me. However that quickly changed, after she reamed him out, swearing for 1/2 an hour saying that he ruined her daughter's life. (Oh the drama! I told him, now do you understand why her ex husband lives in the next State over?)

    My son is light years ahead of those kids, emotionally, intellectually, and on and on. For a while he was saying that homeschooling had failed him which was really hard for me to take. But now that he's seen the other side of the fence, he sure jumped back fast.

  • Sounds like you did a good job getting him to really hear you. I rarely succeed at having those life-altering conversations with my partner because he's so rooted on what's been that he can't clearly imagine what could be.

  • Wow ... that sounds like it was actually a very calm and logical conversation with him. The poetry in the writing was not do much in the dialogue, but your descriptions in between.

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