Comments on: On division

By: MommyMelee

MommyMelee — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 19:56:35 +0000

This takes my breath away.

This parenting thing is not simple.

By: Zoeyjane

Zoeyjane — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 10:14:51 +0000

I have that problem as well. As forthright as I may be, and as willing to cast people away, too, I am constantly worried that people are mad at me when they're silent. The Internet and blogging/social media has both helped and made this worse – because you never know when people have logged off, or they're just mad at you. Worse is remembering every single time a boyfriend's been sitting there, watching a movie silently or whatever, and I attributed a lack of comments to something 'I did wrong' and then proceeded to kill them with questions about what I did, until it blew up into a huge fight.

By: Zoeyjane

Zoeyjane — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 10:11:41 +0000

I've missed you SO much!

By: Zoeyjane

Zoeyjane — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 10:11:25 +0000

One day at a time, right? That's kind of all we can do, as parents, as the raisers of wilful ones and as human beings.

By: Zoeyjane

Zoeyjane — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 10:08:40 +0000

Okay, so then we don't differ at all. Except I'm not really a forehead kind of girl. More of an eyes and lips, one.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 05:35:32 +0000

I really really really really really like this. Just saying.

By: Rob Jones

Rob Jones — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 02:26:50 +0000

I actually don't think we differ in the friendship area. What I meant when I said that was that when my job as a parent is done, and she's a well-adjusted, moral person who has the potential to add something great to the world (goal #1), then I can move onto befriending her as an equal (goal #2) and having a lifelong relationship with her in that context. I think you're right – it is a mistake to try and achieve those goals all at once, considering that in many places, they are in opposition.

Thanks for the reply, and again for the post, too.

By: Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 22:42:31 +0000

I meant to comment on this yesterday but all hell broke out just as I was finishing your post.

I struggle with the no spanking/hurtful words discipline style myself. I was never spanked as a child. My step-sisters were. I used to pity them and think how terrible it was that their other parents spanked them. I vowed to never spank my own children...and yet I admit I have actually spanked my son.

It has only been a couple of times and it was done only in the most extreme circumstances and I still feel sick about it. He's a willful child like no other and although no other form of discipline was working I am still not comfortable with the fact that I spanked him. And yet I can easily speak harshly to him as well and really I hate that too.

I struggle every day to be better. Do better. Maybe today I will succeed.

By: Zoeyjane

Zoeyjane — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 09:57:58 +0000

Totally agreed. I think that in a contest between the parent who loses their cool with a hand swat or spanks, but has unconditional love the rest of the time, versus the parent who holds a grudge and relegates their child to having to 'earn love', or be denied it as a side-effect of childishness, The Spanker will win the award for less damaging.

Because (reasonable, not sadistic) spanks can hurt for a bit and they can wound pride, but being cut out by someone that's supposed to worship you just for the fact that they helped make you sets up a person to feel as if the entire world won't love them, too.

That's about the deepest-carved scar on my soul.

By: Zoeyjane

Zoeyjane — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 09:53:46 +0000

Thank you, Elizabeth. I think one of the worst and best things that comes about whenever the mom community finds the issue of the moment is that besides the finger pointing, a large part of us look in the mirror and choose to own up to our own issues. And from that kind of sharing can come acceptance that moms/parents are not superhumans. Nor should they try to be anything more than human, in the first place.