Entries from December 2009 ↓

The past week has been crazed, to say the least.

First and foremost is the double-edged sword of the new medication switch not being as effective as its predecessor. Without this, I wouldn’t have managed to stay awake for three nights out of the past ten, and thus get all of the holiday baking done within 12 hours, my fancy new site design ¹ done and all of the presents wrapped and the furniture moved {again}.

However, I’ll still have to speak to psychoghandi about this at the next appointment since the point is supposed to be to, you know, manage the way ups and downs.

In amongst the sleeplessness, we managed a preschool party, complete with crafts! and red-nosed children! and a concert! {that will not be posted since Zoë was wearing a dress, sitting in the front row, with her legs acrossed. And if that wasn’t obvious enough in the video, I help it along with the simple words, “Zo! Cover up your crotch, dood!” Yeah. Not totally bloggable.}

We checked out some lights at Van Deusen Gardens, just missing the carolers, but in time for the rain.

And then, there were presents.

It was a nearly perfect Christmas, with just enough love, family, toys and special moments.

Needless to say, we’re spent.

And tomorrow, we take it all down, pack it all up, duct tape the boxes back into submission and stuff them in the storage locker, left only with memories, a few scattered photos and a dream of 363 days later, when it’ll be Christmas again.

Me? I’m swinging into full-on productivity mode, because this last week of not working has actually gotten the motor revving for more. More work, hours, money, the like. It’s set my feet stumbling along the path of goals in the new year and reset my internal clock to 2010. As far as I’m concerned, it’s time to power onward with meeting my own wishes, making changes and finding the little bit of happiness that I want to find, everyday.

2009, goodbye – you were a mixed blessing; 2010, I’ve been waiting my whole life for you.

I hope every one’s holidays were near-perfect, too. And that 2010 will be as positive and momentous for you as I project it will be for us.

Sparkling, beautiful, it was so large that it surrounded me and everything. There aren’t  proper word to describe quite how enchanting this gift was, but I’ll try.

***

I remember, way back when, when my father actually remembered Christmas enough to give me cash and a typed note in a generic card. What I got was $100, cash, and his sincere apology that he missed getting his mind wrapped around the notion that Christmas was for children, that I was one, and therefore the onus lay upon him to provide something. Then we went amongst our usual business.

That used to be the best day since back before I could remember. Since the time during toddlerhood that I got so many presents, when I fell asleep in the wrapping paper he and my uncle couldn’t find me.

***

This time, this perfect present didn’t come from my father. Or a lover or a friend. It came from me.

They say, ‘if you want something done right, do it yourself’.