First of all, I don’t even know if I spelt festivus right, so there’s that.
Second of all, in my real, on paper, bound and everything, address book, I have 62 addresses.
Combined between my three gmail and one hotmail account, I have 378 contacts.
I follow 703 people on Twitter, meaning I really give a shit about what say, 600 have going on like, all the time – despite whether I’m commenting on it or not.
And then there’s facebook, where I have 198 friends.
That’s a total of 1238 potential festivus card recipients.
Remember how much it sucked to be one of the only kids who didn’t get a Valentine or only got one or two in their hand-crafted card-receptacle that was taped to the front of their desk in elementary school? It was like a blinking neon sign over your head, live nudes loser loser loser.
I’m so not down with enhancing those kind of memories by being too selective with my made it, checked it twice, regardless of who’s naughty or nice (but especially if they’re naughty) list.
So, for the first in about five years, I’m not sending out cards to anyone that doesn’t fit most of the following profile:
- you were one of the first five people I told the last three times I had sex;
- I would put a picture of your kids/dog/you on my fridge and leave it there until it was starting to yellow;
- I’ve cried while talking to you, hugging you or in the same room, without being embarrassed;
- I’ve known you for longer than five years;
- I haven’t hated you for most of the past five years;
- you’ve touched my life in a way that is impossible to describe with words and you often bring the L-word to mind;
- you’ve given me shit for being myself, despite that I might’ve given you shit back for it;
- you love my daughter and my daughter loves you.
That narrows down the playing field significantly, to all of, maybe… 1, 2, …5….10 people.
Which is good, since I bought a pack of 18 cards today, reduced by 50% and 10 canadian and 5 US stamps.
Isn’t the season of giving wonderful?
