Once upon a time, I am the Diva posted 26 questions and answered them and I bookmarked it for the very occasion that today has brought upon me – exhaustion and near surety that I’m getting sick. Effort be damned, here is my 26 pennies…
I highly doubt any threesome fantasies I may have had would be the same as you have. Especially since, well, I don’t really have fantasies. I tend to be that ‘go with the flow’ girl who may have, in a past life, accidentally woken up with more than one person in my bed and a hangover the size of Texas. That being said, sure. If you wanna think so.
2. And how do we make it happen with your best friend?
Best friend? Never going to happen. There’s a reason it’s a friendship and there’s no way that I’m mixing the potentiality of awkward mornings (weeks, months) after ward just to get you off. Just because my friends are hot doesn’t mean they’re ripe for the picking (yours or mine).
Depends on how comfortable we are and whether there was a full-on frontal taking place. Because if this is a newish thing, I don’t need to have that uneraseable picture in my head anytime you half-hopedly bring up a visit downtown.
Sure. Why not?
5. Are you really turned on by having sex during your period?
If over the point of worrying about the mess and your aghast expression as a result of it, then yes. Taking a week off of business time during the only sure-fire time of the month when I will not get knocked up? Sacrilege.
The person whose argument was the most logical and correct.
Because there are some facts about the world that just demand reporting. Frequent, heavy-breathed, chest-heaving, overly-romanticized reporting. PS. He had me at “21 Ju.” Just sayin’.
8. What if I can’t remember your mom’s name?
I have that problem sometimes, too. ‘Yer mom’ works just as well.
9. Should I call your mom, “mom”?
No. Thank you.
10. Does body hair really bother you so much that you’d make me go through the same amount of pain that you experience when you give birth? If you think that’s an exaggeration, think about the fact that you think giving birth is the most painful thing that could happen to you and recognize that we can’t understand that pain so how can you say that a guy getting waxed doesn’t nearly equally giving birth.
I think this question is ridiculous and refuse to answer it. But seriously, do women expect men to get like, their balls waxed? Ouchie.
11. You check out other guys too, don’t you?
What do you mean, too?
12. If yes, does that mean that your gender is naturally hypocritical?
Most human beings are naturally hypocritical. Don’t blame it on the plumbing, man.
13. Farting is a natural biological operation. I realize that’s not a question but I thought you should know.
Agreed.
14. Is it the size of the boat or the motion of the ocean?
It’s the captain at the helm.
15. Do you poo?
I read some literature once that ensured that yes, everybody poops.
I was supposed to wait for you to kiss me?
17. Can I have a gun?
Fuck, no.
18. What if my best friend accidentally sees the naked pictures I took of you?
As long as I never know, or I hear about it because you’re pissed about him drooling over it, or like, whacking it at work because of it, we’re cool. If you tell me, just to be honest and there’s none of the above dramatics about it and you didn’t accidentally sack yourself in a slapstick “noooooooo!” dive across the room to stop him from opening the file/book/site/whatever, then you’re fucking dead.
19. When is the appropriate time in our relationship to start calling you my old lady?
When I am, in fact, old, and yours. I’ll just let you know.
20. Roses. Do you really want roses?
I always have said no. And after like, four boyfriend listening, I’d really like a dozen fucking roses, thank you. But only if they mean something, it’s not for a holiday and it’s not because, like, your best friend saw a picture of me naked.
21. If we have a fight and I know you’re wrong and you know you’re wrong, why do I still have to be the first one to apologize?
I always apologize first. Makes the makeup sex come a lot faster.
22. Can I still be friends with my ex?
You can be friends with whoever you like. Hopefully, your other courses in our relationship haven’t caused a lack of trust which would bring me to concern over who you’re friends with.
Not particularly.
24. If I can devour a Big Mac in 45 seconds, is that hot? My buddies think it’s pretty cool.
Not hot. Cool, yes. But I’ll have you know that I once ate nine cheeseburgers in two minutes. Now, is that hot?
25. Speaking of my buddies, if I go out with them one night, what time should I come home? And don’t act like my mother about it.
Depends on when you say you’re coming home.
26. Will you still love me when my six pack suddenly becomes a keg?
Love, yes. Be attracted to? We can only hope.
