Comments on: On tightening the noose

By: NANCY | assurances-vie

NANCY | assurances-vie — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 06:46:41 +0000

Well, after reading all this, my opinion is that your child shouldn’t have that influence (that of an alcoholic, drugaddict). I think your lawyer was very smart to only use the alcoholic stuff, keeping drugs off the record, just in case you would need it further, but on the other hand, it could be missunderstood as a lack of interest from you. I mean this only as an advice.

By: Al_Pal

Al_Pal — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 09:48:54 +0000

Sounds like a reasonable list.
Good luck, lady.

By: Almon

Almon — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 04:00:17 +0000

You know, this just occured to me. One thing you could do is offer that he can have her under all the conditions that you have stipulated, but change the piece about his mother to "under the supervision of his mother." Sounds like you trust her.

Truth is that if he hasn't given up drinking and drugs yet, he probably won't, but asking for him to be sober while with his daughter is not at all unreasonable. You just need someone to be in charge of him.

In my experience with courts in Ontario, judges really appreciate when you come to them with viable solutions. With supervised visitation, he has pretty liberal access to his daughter (which judges also want to see), and you have assurance that someone responsible is in charge (who is not you!)

I am in the situation of having to supervise my son's visitation with his dad. Neither of us have family in the area and I didn't want to put that responsibility on a friend. It sucks for both of us. I don't get a break and he never feels like he has alone time with N….

By: chris

chris — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 15:36:44 +0000

Although you have ‘feelings’ for the guy, it’s crazy to think that he is going to be the father you want for your daughter, or partner to yourself, while a functioning alcoholic. Insist that the guy get into AA, do 90 meetings in 90 days and only then allow visitation and/or re-negotiations. Take a look at the AA “Big Book”, even get him a copy; it’s a great eye-opener for the alcoholic and the people whose lives he is affecting.

By: kristen

kristen — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:08:39 +0000

You know, this just occured to me. One thing you could do is offer that he can have her under all the conditions that you have stipulated, but change the piece about his mother to “under the supervision of his mother.” Sounds like you trust her.

Truth is that if he hasn’t given up drinking and drugs yet, he probably won’t, but asking for him to be sober while with his daughter is not at all unreasonable. You just need someone to be in charge of him.

I am in the situation of having to supervise my son’s visitation with his dad. Neither of us have family in the area and I didn’t want to put that responsibility on a friend. It sucks for both of us. I don’t get a break and he never feels like he has alone time with N.

By: Jeremy

Jeremy — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:20:47 +0000

maybe *every weekend* from non is a little much. You’re setting him up to fail. Maybe one weekend a month? baby steps.. or else just cut him off. I think every weekend but with the strings attached that you know he can’t do, just to take her away again is asking… to take her away again.

By: Miss Britt

Miss Britt — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 17:30:41 +0000

Um, that sounds more than reasonable to me.

Personally, I don’t think I’d let him alone with her PERIOD until the drinking/pot were under control.

By: LovingDanger

LovingDanger — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 05:26:44 +0000

I grew up going to see my Dad every other weekend. Friday to Sunday afternoon as long as he showed up to pick me up. He was an alcoholic and still is and I spent a decent amount of time playing Dominos in his favorite bar. BUT I knew who my Dad was good and bad. I didn’t grow up thinking that my Dad was this awesome guy who had his shit together and shat gum drops. He had his good moments and his bad but I’m glad that I have those moments to look back on. I’m 24 now married with my own kids and I haven’t spoken to my Dad since I was 18 but that was my choice and it was an informed one. I’m thankful for that.

By: Zoeyjane

Zoeyjane — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 05:04:40 +0000

Oh, yeah, we’re totally talking about an agreement that will be filed in family court.

Thank you.

By: Zoeyjane

Zoeyjane — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 05:03:26 +0000

You know, I’m honestly completely fine with her being parented differently – the key word being parented. I don’t care what she eats over a weekend with him, as long as she eats enough and nothing she’s allergic to. I don’t care if she’s allowed to push every single button and rewarded for every single bad behaviour, because at three, she already knows that shit doesn’t fly with me.

She’s a smart kid – she knows already the difference between her dad and I.

What I want is for him to step up to the plate or resign from the team. Since he’s not willing to bow out, I’m offering up this sink or swim chance. When if he sinks, he will not be able to take her down with him.

And personally, I’d much prefer that I ‘take away her dad’ than for him to consistently fail. If I have to be a bad guy and the person that ruins her life in her eyes, it’s fine with me.