This here be the second of ten reviews I’ll be posting during the remainder of July. Stay tuned – there be contests and discount codes coming your way…
I love getting mail. I love getting mail that isn’t bills. I especially love getting mail that gets me off and makes me paranoid that the UPS guy knows exactly what’s in the box and that I should scream dramatically down my hallway, “Wipe that filthy smirk off of your face, you dirty douchebag!”
As I was saying, I like getting mail.
Eden Fantasys send me another goody to review – something a little more intimate and involved. Something requiring an appendage I don’t actually own. The Vibrating C-ring.
Image courtesy of Eden Fantasys
When I originally asked the volunteer if he had any preferences, I found out that the word vanilla might be a bit too edgy to describe his swayings. Whatever, we can fix that, right? So he agreed to try out something from the men’s department, I pointed to this tame beast and he nodded.
And gulped. I heard him.
Two weeks later, it was sexy time and I was ordering him to get in the mood.
I mean, um. We were fondly looking forward to trying out the ring o’ love.
This is where a learning opportunity came in. With many lessons:
- The ring part? Has to go around, like everything. So…it seemed like it might be a little too small.
- When the penis attached to the 30 year old has the maturity of a 14-year old? You cannot help them put it on. Lest you be left sitting there for five minutes, in silence while he must concentrate on not getting a boner. Also, he might hiss at you to put your clothes back on, or cover his eyes in a way reminiscent of a four-year-old after a bad dream.
- If you threaten the risk of no nookie, unless you get your review out of it, he just may take it as a challenge and then suddenly, he’s no longer intimidated or nervous. It. Will. Be. On.
- Vanilla boy meets thing on his junk: Skeptical. Vanilla boy meets thing on his junk while vibrating mechanism is engaged: delusions of sexual grandeur.
- Too much power is a bad thing, if you’re a quickie kind of a girl. The vibrating c-ring is not good for those who kind of like it short and sassy. This shit might carry on for like, an hour.
Pro: he like, really really really enjoyed his first experience fucking outside of the box. Con: certain positions when you’re a skinny as I am? Might make you feel like your tail bone is going to be pulverized into fine powder.
Pro: totally opened him up to trying more stuff, and asking if I want to use it again. Con: the pre-stated stamina. A FUCKING Hour? (pun semi-intended)
Pro: tiny, portable and quiet. Con: Unlike the last toy I reviewed, this one didn’t come with kick-ass packaging, so it’s kind of a hide-it-in-the-back-of-a-drawer deal or have a toddler wonder why you have a vibrating bracelet. (Yeah, she’s not so good with scale, yet.)
Pro: easy clean up. Con: took the dude a while to…relax, meaning he started getting a little paranoid, thinking he’d have to eventually get it hack-sawed off by someone claiming to be a doctor, operating out of the back left corner of an alley.
Overall, I say give it a whirl. Just not on a night when you’d prefer the wham-bam treatment. And lube it up sufficiently. Also? Combo it with your own vibrator whilst spooning alternatively. Trust me on that one.
