There’s a lot of effort and ideology that goes into avoiding stuff.
Whether stuff is work, chores, bills, that super huge presentation that will get you the promotion that begets a new parking spot and washroom key, whathaveyou – stuff. Here’s a handy step-by-step guide for becoming a flaky, successful procrastinator like myself.
- You need to acknowledge that there is stuff to avoid.
- Then you figure out why you’re ultimately looking to avoid the stuff.
- Then you need to avoid the stuff.
This simple three-step program can get you far in life. If, by far, I mean further behind the races, never getting the worm and being constantly in need of more avoidance.
I know I’ve far over-simplified the process, so let’s look at it in finite steps, using a real life example:
Step one: Acknowledge that there’s stuff to avoid.
This is the hardest thing to do, from the standpoint that it means you’ve gotta say “Dood. I don’t want to ______” instead of maintaining your usual cool-as-shit exterior. Maybe you’re so far past aloof that you’re ice-cold and manage to blink, acknowledge and move onto step two – and if so, you should write this guide, more than I – but if you’re not and there’s a heart under that amazing rack, you’re going to face a test just admitting it to yourself.
Eg. The Ex texts to tell me he misses me. This usually only happens when a) I’ve been sleeping with him and b) he’s been drinking. Since a) and b) are pretty much taking place at any given point in our history, it’s happened more than a few times. You know, we have something…I think the word I’m looking for is codependency.
Anyway, the time comes after I look at the teeny screen of my (not really anymore) new cell phone (which still has the protective plastic film on it) and think what to do. And I realize, rethink and then admit to myself, I don’t want to deal with this stuff right now. Once I did that, I could move onto step two of the process.
Step two: Figure out why to avoid stuff.
It boils down to one of two reasons, I figure. Either the stuff is going to cost you more than you’re prepared to pay, at the moment, or it’s not worth it, ever, but you know, you kinda told someone something and now your word matters or something to that effect. Basically, you need to do the stuff, but right now is the least perfect time for you to do it. The nearly perfect time is probably later; never might even be the most amazing time you could fit the stuff in. But you need to, much like why you yelled at your children for years while they were using their fists furiously, use your words. Even if they’re in your head.
* Note: if the words’re in your head, I suggest not actually speaking them out loud unless you want homeless people to start looking at you like the crazy one. Especially if you’re having a conversation about why you need to avoid the stuff. In your head.*
Eg. I read the text and I went ‘oh fuck. This again.’ And I went ‘I don’t want to deal with this shit.’ And I went to close the windows so that I could talk to myself in peace, since there were homeless men rooting through my recycling bins, looking for beer cans and bottles to drain take back to the liquor store for a deposit refund.
And then I said ‘why is he doing this to me.? And then I remembered all the stuff I did to him on Saturday night. Then I considered taking a shower, but realized I had to work this stuff out and he was probably waiting for a response or something, so I went ‘I don’t have the patience to get dragged through the unending cycle of I-think-I-love-you-oops-I’m-drunk-I-hate-you-You’re-the-worst-thing-that’s-ever-happened-to-me-You’re-my-best-friend-I-love-your-ass-Our-kid-is-awesome-I-want-more-like-her-I-had-to-drink-cuz-I’m-having-a-hard-time-dealing-with-this-Get-a-real-job-you-controlling-cunt-I-miss-my-best-friend.’
And there, you have every couple years of the last eight, since I’ve known the ex. Always repeating, always exhausting, every time more damaging to us both, every time, more rapid. You have my reason for wanting to avoid the stuff, which brings me to…
Step three: Avoid the stuff.
This can be as easy or hard on you as you allow it to be. You don’t have to quit your job, change your name, disconnect your cell and move across the country, all to avoid stuff. You can choose to just simply pretend as if you’ve done all of those things. Or, you can select the route I trend toward the most – the promise ’soon’ and then don’t deliver. It’s the easiest of all the methods for avoiding. You say, “Monday,” when you really mean “in three weeks.” They hear “Monday,” but it’s really their own fault for not getting to know you well enough, right? Truly, this is a completely wrong thing to do and lacks every morsel of integrity I wish I had. But, I admit it, I have little to none, since I’m always too busy avoiding stuff to work on that little deficit.
Eg. I could have told him we’d talk about it later and then just not brought it up ever again. I find passive aggressive manipulation much easier, so I texted him back, “is it because you’re wearing pants?”
Professional move to avoid stuff
Just don’t even think about it and add me on Twitter, while opening a second tab and scroll through this page. Hopefully, while drinking. I guarantee you, no stuff will get done.
{also, you could go waste some time reading my guest post on the lovely Miss’ site}
