I was so on track.
The budget, a beautious excel spreadsheet (yes, I get off on spreadsheets, deal) carefully measuring which dollars and cents were going to come in, far outweighed the expenses for April.
I was starting fresh, sticking to it this month. We were going to be rich (beeyotch), by the end of it, since the forecast called for 10% of income to go into savings and there was still extra left over.
Envelope budgeting seems to be the best solution for me – portion out the bills and from there, pick out a dollar amount that I can spend each day and once it’s gone, everyday, the potential spending is done. $15 dollars a day seems doable. It means that some days, I might not buy tea at the coffeeshop, if I’ve bought smokes and some groceries. Fine. I can do that.
Never mind that I’ve only successfully done it once, for a two week period, when I had no choice because we were so broke, most meals I ate were heavily ramen-concentrated whilst Isobel ate well. And I got the ramen on sale.
Regardless, it’s doable.
Today, the first-of-the month money rolled into my bank account and I withdrew our allowance for the week.
We needed diapers – she sleeps in my bed, I’m so not testing out her night time potty training success, yet.
I needed cigarettes – or the meltdowns she had nearly all day would have made my meltdowns much more immature.
And then I went to the doctor and walked out with a prescription for one single pill.
Don’t get me wrong, I take full responsibility for my spending:
- If I didn’t smoke, I’d spend around $100 less a month.
- If I baked more, I’d save money on the prepared snack foods I buy for Isobel (but come on, $4.99 on sale for gluten/dairy free vs $1.99 regular price for wheaty-dairy goodness? Bullshit.) – that’d be at least $50 more in my pocket.
- If I had just moved her into her own bed, I wouldn’t be concerned about my white duvet getting peed on – she wouldn’t be in diapers and I’d save $15.
- I don’t have to buy a cup of tea everyday, when I drink nearly the same thing at home – that’d save me $130 with each flip of the calendar.
I’m sure there are more areas I could cut back on, but those are the purely frivilous ones – $275 a month more I could have available for savings or vacations or a college fund or underwear that fit well. We both have baggy drawers.
I have a huge burden of guilt at nearly all times, for most things. Especially money.
But the day that I have to walk into a pharmacy and pay $24.99 for one single pill is the day that I think the world is against me.
So today, I had $15 to spend, and $49 was spent. And it wasn’t all my fault.
Today, I say FML.
