On Being Surprised

When I agreed last week to let myself be auctioned off (as a date) for this event last night, I was more than nervous. I was terrified.

Jokes were made (by me, at my own expense) that a prescription for Prozac might be needed if I earned $1.23 in the auction. I looked in the mirror and I saw Tired.

Boring.

Frumpy.

I even felt so squeamish about the need to, for lack of a better explanation, bring my A-game, that I corralled one of my best friends into making me over for it. Which she did. Which made me feel quite….garish.

There was no way she was going to make me happy, really. Any makeup detectable would have felt like too much; any hair, too styled.

The fact that I was wearing a bra and heels and lace-topped stockings meant that I was going to feel like an example of what not to do. Or like I was trying too hard – and appeared to be.

I honestly, didn’t really want to go and I was definitely not looking forward to the auction portion of the evening. And that was going to colour my interpretation of whatever she did to me.

I looked in the mirror when I was ready to go, when she’d had her way with me, and I saw a whore. Tramp. Someone who was trying to literally sell herself at an auction, instead of helping (sort of) raise funds for a worthy cause.

Three glasses of wine later, a short make out session with a fellow auctionee and a bid of $270, I felt remarkably different.

I may even have felt, dare I say it? a little hot.

I definitely felt damn drunk.

You could say that I felt like maybe my interpretation is a little more off than I’d previously been aware of.

At the least, it was nice to hear, “You’re a really good kisser” in the middle of an auction.

Because that compliment? I can so accept.

The question of course is whether this might change anything going forward, whether my wounded, non-existent self-esteem in regards to my looks might right itself so that I can see something better in the mirror than a 6 on an extremely good day.

Did I walk with more confidence while pushing my stroller down the street?

No. I did, however, walk a lot closer to the ground today than I did last night, simply because I wasn’t wearing four inch heels.

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  • Chick in the middle
    Congrats for doing so well at the auction!
    M
  • Thank you! I don't think I deserve the congrats though - it's all owing to the organizers and attendees.
  • dayum, hot mama!

    <abbr>Visit flutter to read...I am kind of a dick.</abbr>
  • Holy WOW. That's all I have to say . . .
  • Liza
    Well I guess I am little like Simon Cowell....ZJ I think your natural beauty without the cosmetics is far superior than your "auction look"...I will say however, if it made your feel glamorous and sexy than it was a good thing .......sorry if I am a party pooper......
  • I like your kind of party pooping!
  • you go, girl!

    <abbr>Visit the planet of janet to read...My mother, the pole dancer</abbr>
  • Damn, girl! You look unbelievably HAWT in that second photo! No wonder you have the highest bid! So so so proud of you!
  • I'm a little proud that I even showed up!
  • You are hawt, no matter what. Glad you got such a great bid!!! :D
    & hooray for good kissing! ;p

    <abbr>Visit Al_Pal to read...My new creative outlet: Bread Puddings!</abbr>
  • Hee. That's awesome.

    I would have been super nervous/drunk too.

    <abbr>Visit Maria to read...I heart faces - green</abbr>
  • We're twins. I think.
  • I totally do NOT see "whore" in that picture. You look classy and HOT. And...you were not selling yourself for personal gain...you were putting yourself out there for a worthy cause. Big difference, my dear. You need a confidence makeover. STAT.

    <abbr>Visit Ashlie- MommyCosm to read...Wordless Wednesday: Dawn in NH</abbr>
  • I agree. Where can I get such a makeover? Is there like, a book on tape I could use?
  • I love your hair *swoons*

    <abbr>Visit MomBabe to read...Review and Giveaway!</abbr>
  • You look hot.

    <abbr>Visit Miss Grace to read...It's National Tie Up Loose Ends Day!</abbr>
  • God damn, that's great, GOD DAMN, THAT'S GREAT!!!
  • I know what you mean, you're like me where we rarely wear makeup and when we do it just doesnt feel right.
    But my darling you look magnifique and its no WONDER you made such a high bid. Good for you and the charity!!

    Loooove the dress btw, I wantz! lol
  • You were beautiful and I'm so glad you had fun! You deserve to feel proud; you raised a great deal of money for a worthy cause and you looked gorgeous doing it!

    <abbr>Visit raincoaster to read...quiz: which aphrodisiac are you?</abbr>
  • Nice pics, no video?

    <abbr>Visit Hockeyman to read...Celebrate the Irish</abbr>
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