It’s so funny. This weekend, the past few days, however long it’s been…I’ve gotten a few bursts of energy.
So I decluttered, moving furniture around, again. Cleaning out closets, again. Opening more space in my living room and creating a bigger pile of got-to-gos, again.
And now, except for that looming pile of got-to-gos, it looks so minimal. It’s not done yet – books will be moved from precarious piles and shelves will be hung so that things that should live in the bathroom do, instead of on a bookcase in the living room (hello, collection of hell-week supplies and hair products, I see you, there) – but the overall design is fixed. (Now. For sitting space. Like a couch. Or fabulous over-stuffed chairs made for lounging upside-down with a book on lazy Sunday evenings.)
I got some work accomplished, too. Yet, though the surmounting virtual pile of it and it’s deadlines was too much a week ago, and I couldn’t even think of it without breaking into a cold mental sweat, today and yesterday and the day before, it became doable. Tasks to take to, not things to break me.
I turned a switch on, you see.
Instead of thinking, “Oh, my fucking gosh, I will never ever…” I thought, “okay, let’s just do this one.”
Simplicity. Why didn’t I get that, before?
Instead of a mound, I could look at individual compartments. I saw some books. Then some toys. Then some clothes and some shoes. Instead of at least six things to write, I saw one for each project.
Instead of needing Friday afternoon to relax from the heavy week of thinking that I was drowning in a sea of do-nothings, we grabbed some gluten/soy/dairy-free snacks from the store and on our way home, bought some for-the-fuck-of-it-Friday flowers.
With this, I’ve garnered a predictable feeling of success, sure. But more so, I gained some peace. I stopped freaking the fuck out, you know?
So instead of seeing the mess I’d have to clean up after Isobel disregarded my rules of where the open-topped cup half-full of water may go, I saw how humbled she looked after wearing half of it. And the beauty of the drops glistening on her chin.
It made me want to be a better photographer. With a better camera.
I guess I should add that to the to-do list.
