Tomorrow is this blog’s birthday. One year.
Damn baby, you looking fine.
Truth be told, I started blogging in the winter of 2004. On Myspace. [please don't throw over-ripened fruit at me.] I made mention of such interesting stuff like what I’d hallucinated that day, voices I was hearing and how good it felt to walk home the morning after an all-night wrestling session with a co-worker. And other meet-ups, not of a blogger variety. Ahem.
It did alright. I didn’t – I was in the midst of a semi-psychotic break, which led to heavy medication and moving back in with my father. Where there was no Internet.
In 2005, I moved to blogspot and from there to wordpress, blogging under my real name and my old pseudonym. All without capital letters. Then some shit went down [that ironically all got brought back up today], and I spent the better part of four months blogging someone towards a breakdown.
I’m not proud of that. How I acted so immaturely or defensively. And really, it was unfair, considering that the deck of sanity – even with my various mental ills – was stacked in my favour. But you know, you can only learn from making mistakes and watching others do it, too.
I’ve learned to not lash out at every person I really could on my blog – to use it for important things like posting videos of Isobel’s mispronunciation of the word ’squirrel’, about attempting suicide and pictures of myself in a bikini [with commentary as to what I think is wrong with the pictures].
I’ve learned that you can change your writing style and content and social filters and still have the initial one to five commenters come back.
I’ve learned that even though a post with an excess of 35 comments feels really good, so does one that gets 10 or 15, that I’m proud of writing.
And I’ve totally learned that this blogging shizz can be a full-time deal, between social networks, reading and commenting, writing and replying to comments. It’s a lot of pressure, if you let it be. If you’re a guilt-ridden person, like I am.
So I’m quitting.
Feeling guilty, that is.
