On Being A Ho Ho Ho (er)
Posted on November 20, 2008
Filed Under love letters |
Dear Christmas,
Ah, I can smell you coming. I know from looking at my budget that it does not seem like it will be quite as merry as I’d like, but gosh darn it all (nope, I really don’t carry off not swearing well, do I?), I want you to be grand.
Every year, I get this picture in my head of what I want you to look like. Ever since I was a little girl and not getting anything even close to what the Sears Wish Book showed me was possible. This year, you’re looking a little different than usual.
There will likely be no large familial dinner, because the desk we used as a table two years ago has been taken to the dump, and the familial aspect is, shall we delicately say, non-existent. So, Isobel and I will probably do our own variation of a festive dinner, wherein I will do something creative with poultry and potatoes and veggies. As long as the individual feast bits don’t touch each other on the plate it’s served on, it will rock.
There will not be a closet full of presents because a lack of funds and forethought to start before Halloween has brought the realism of the bankroll into view. Additionally, the decisions that it taking two days for Isobel to open presents is a lot ridiculous and wanting to keep her somewhat grounded as to what you should really be all about, and the lack of necessity to tell her that X amount of gifts are from Santa - because we’re not doing that whole Santa sham thing - have all led to what I think will happen: you’ll end up seeing Isobel get to open one cool present on your eve and a big one on your morning, as well as a stocking of little bits of crap that two year olds appreciate.
Also, I should mention, I no longer have a closet to stash presents in, anyways.
There won’t be a tree, like there was last year - because that client is no longer my client and I’m pretty willing to bet that even if I was ballsy enough to ask to borrow it two years in a row and they didn’t need it for the second year in a row, then really where the fuck would I put it? What we could do instead for you, Christmas? Is make a tree out of individual leaves on the walls and decorate the entire apartment with bobbles and tinsel and place a star at the top of the TV - where it really should go. It could be like something out of a Hunter Thompson novel about doing Xmas while huffing ether.
We’ll still go out, like we did last year, with Isobel in stroller, clad in a Santa hat over her touque, and we’ll hand out goodies to the folks without homes that got a fresh hot meal on your eve and then were left with nothing on your actual evening. People seemed to appreciate the star-foiled brownies and turkey sandwiches and packages of instant hot chocolate (with marshmallows!). I think one of the worst things about you, Christmas, is that a lot of people, only show they care leading up to your day. Once you’re done, they are too. If they ever started being charitable, at all. I won’t teach Isobel that that’s okay. Especially if we’ll have most of a turkey to throw away, anyway.
There’s so much to do and tackle in the next month ahead - cards to make and address, stamp and mail; tutus to craft and box and wrap; an afghan to weave and sew; love to spread; money to pull out of my ass. It could be overwhelming.
But I think this time, Christmas, you will be different.
Because as you know, every time you came before, I went overboard, and then I got overstressed and anxious. And snapped at the very people I invited to my desk table. And cringed over the new presents Isobel would eat not give a shit about play with so contentedly. And felt a failure because the stuffing was dry, the potatoes lumpy and the gravy mug boat empty before half the desk table was served.
This year, Christmas, I will make you everything that you’re supposed to be. And that is simply special for Isobel and I, and anyone that we choose to include in it.
Every year, Christmas, I get excited for your return. And every year, I disappoint me, trying to make you something that you’re not. This year, I’m going to accept you for what you are - wondrous and sparkly and amazing. That’s it.
Love,
Me
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Oh my…I totally remember the closet last year. I can’t believe it’s already been a full year. Geez.
You could always do what I did as a little girl and make and decorate a Christmas tree made of books! No? Okay.
Wondrous and sparkly and amazing is all I’m really aiming for this year, too and I’m so excited for just that.
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Crying now.
That is all.
Visit Marge to read…Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…
I hope, for you and Isobel, that this Christmas effing rocks. It sounds like you’re planning on a good one. I don’t think Christmas can let you down this year.
By the way-she won’t give a crap if she gets 2 presents or 200, all she really wants is you. Trust me. Sounds like you know that already, and that’s smart of you to realize early…some people never do.
What a sweet, sweet post ZJ. I sincerely wish every bit of it for you two this holiday season.
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I think that sounds like a fantastic Christmas, personally.
Visit Mr Lady to read…You Don’t Bring Me Flowers
When I was still with my son’s dad, we lived in the teeniest little one bedroom apartment together (yes, smaller then the last one, with an extra person) and we had no room for a tree. So, I chose one corner of the apartment and put up that fake pine garland with ribbon, and put up some of the ornaments off of it. Then every single Christmas card we got was taped to the wall below it. It was quite pretty, actually.
Those small, intimate Christmases where you just enjoy each other’s presence can be the best.
I think it speaks volumes about the person you REALLY are that you, who has so little that you can call your own, can still express dismay that the charity of others, FOR others, not yourself, will disappear after the ‘Time of Giving’ is over.
You never cease to amaze me. I am so lucky to know you.
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Grandma spoils the offspring in a really big way. Not sure how she does it, for a real-estate agent who hasn’t sold anything in a year, but every year she sends boxes and boxes of stuff.
Christmas shouldn’t be about stuff, we’re creating a generation of children who are more materialistic than the last, and who have forgotten what really matters.
It seems that you remember what matters. Keep that feeling because *THAT* is what Christmas is about.
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I’m sending some holiday cheer your way. And a smooch.
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BAH HUMBUG! *humph*
(Seriously though, I hope you have a wonderful holiday full of sparkles and cheer.)
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I love your ideas and dammit, I wish you lived closer. I found an idea before about making your own tree with wire coathangers and garland I think it was. If you want it, I’ll look up the tutorial again.
We don’t do lots of gifts…because, the kidling doesn’t need loads of plastic shit that won’t shut the F up. And, mommy’s sanity doesn’t need all of that either. When they get older, it gets a bit harder, but I’m loving this age where they just love to explore and play in general.
I’m making all of L’s toys too. Because I have to …but also…because I want to, for her.
All of our decorations are pretty much (90%) hand me downs that have to be turned a certain way or you can see they are broken or scratched or paint chipping off. It’s seriously amazing what one can do with not so much.
I’m really excited to see what all you come up
Pictures!
Wow…you definitely have a good idea of what you should make Christmas for your daughter special! I am going to be pretty alone for Christmas this year, so I am just trying to stay cheerful. Have a happy Christmas!
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I still say Bah Humbug!
Visit Hockeyman to read…Gah
ZJ.. I want to hug you.. and to quote Richard L. Evans..
“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.”
I have SO realized this year that trying to do everything just makes me stressed and then it’s not fun for everyone. Usually i buy gifts months in advance & stress out about wrapping stuff the night before & get in a fight with Dr. Dre b/c he’s not helping as much as i want him too. But it’s not his thing you know? This year we’re shopping for a few things togther, one night only, having it wrapped & that’s that. I’ll take the kids to buy some stuff for other kids too. I am so excited about it.
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Last year my roommates and I bought one of those tiny little shrubs from the corner store. we put necklaces on it and stuck coloured suckers in it. we might have had lights in it but I can’t remember. But it was adorable and fit into our tiny little living room and the grand total was 10$ and a trip to the candy store. I’m sure princess isobel has jewlery she could decorate it with and you could probably think of something more healthy then candy. its all about the beauty of bringing nature into your home and making it pretty, not how big or expensive a tree is.
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It will be wonderful!
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Huckdoll: You know, you guys are welcome to come out with us and/or keep it low-key together. And I think I’ve decided it will be whatever we make it, as long as we’re true to ourselves, right?
Marge: I’m sorry. Why did you cry? Was it Grey’s Anatomy? That totally messed up my cool exterior, too.
I think that it’s much more important to you and her to do something like what you explained. And I really think that your Christmas sounds better than the last couple of Christmas’ I’ve had!
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Your Christmas plans sound wonderful and more what the season should really be about.
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I love that you have Is pass out food to the homeless. Christmas is about caring, giving and good cheer. One year (pre-husband, pre-kid) my “then” boyfriend and I did just that. It felt great.
I am short on funds this year too. School photos will be gifts to the family, Christmas cards will be limited, and D will get one gift from Santa and one from Mama. Everyone else can spoil her rotten if they choose to do so. But, I will make sure the house it decked out! We have our very skinny pre-lit tree up. We will make a gingerbread house and sugar cookies. We will watch Frosty the Snowman over and over and over and over again. We will read Christmas stories every night. She will feel the magic even if there isn’t a pile of gifts under the tree.
love it
The first xmas we spent in America, after immigrating, we lived in a one bedroom garden apartment w/one closet. My mother, low on funds, stashed used toys from garage sales in that closet. One day, she was late to come home after school was done, and my sister and I found the stash. It was xmas in October. My mom cried.
I never told her that it was the best Christmas ever. Because I remembered that all those used toys stashed in the closet were represented to us on Christmas day.
I think. This is one of my top ten ZJ posts ever.
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Yep, yep, yep. Christmas is about the SPIRIT of the day, about charity and thanks, and love and fun, and all that ooey gooey mushy stuff. But it is most definitely NOT about presents and lumpy potatoes.
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Flickrlovr: Oh, it will rock. It will rock Hard.
Natalie: I cannot visualize the garland. But I wanna know more!!!
Lou: Okay. And I, you.
Ash: If you weren’t so damned crafty, I’d challenge you to a bloggy ghetto decorating challenge! But you are, and I don’t like defeat, so nevermind!
Cassey: I think you should adopt someone. Either invite someone in, or go to someone else’s. I did that one year, when I was 20 and it was sublimely awesome.
Kim: You know I wanna hug you back.
Eve: I’m excited for you!!! (And I’ll believe it, when I see it - that’s what I said every year, too :P)
RFC: I’m pretty sure I’ll do something involving fake tree garland, lights and some ornaments. Maybe a LOT of garland. We’ll figure’er out. Likely at Walmart. Bleck.
Kaui: Thank you!
RLM: So why not go out with some baking, too? On Xmas evening or the next day? ‘ny can make ‘happy holiday’ labels and everyone can have a gingerbread or sugar cookie!
OH: Tell her, silly. Write it in a beautiful letter to her, with photos and artwork from the kids.
MomBabe: Definitely not the lumpy potatoes part.
I wish I did “Christmas” differently when my kids were younger. It’s so not about Buying and Having stupid shit made of plastic. It’s really about just having each other. And it doesn’t matter that my four kids will have just about nothing under the tree (if we even have a tree)- It’s so much more that my kids want to spend the holiday with me, their mom. I think I get the biggest gift of all.
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You really are a gifted writer.
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I love that! SOunds like you’re going to have a very cool Christmas that you’ll be able to remember (and tell Isobel about, if she’s too little to remember) forever!
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