Alternative Title: How it came to be that my child got more candy than any of the other kids we followed around for the 35 minutes we trick or treated.
Take one happy child, hanging out half nakedly with BackPack, right after a menthol-infused bath.
Add in attitude.
Throw on some stripey tights (which were way too big and so fashioned lovely-like as cut-off sleeve thingies) with thumb cut-outs, top with the only teeshirt that fits her, black velvety leggings, white girly socks, black Airwalk pirate slip-ons, and a corset and tutu made by the ever-energetic MomBabe.
Don’t forget to load her hair up with Product, so that you can easily pull it into four pigtails and make em look a little teased. Finish with some rock n’ roll butterfly clips and some hot pink eyeshadow. Tell her that you’re now going out side to get candy. Watch a little evil emerge.
Don’t forget to wash the pre-halloween candy off of her face, first. “Trick or treat” isn’t nearly as entertaining to the candy hander outters when a child is already dipping into a stash.
Go t-or-t’ing for 35 minutes. Enter….hmmm…about 15 places – stick to the businesses two blocks away from your house, since the potty may be required and you hate Halloween you left too late to do anything better you’re lazy your neighbourhood business association kicks butt.
In each store, wait patiently while the kids in front (clad in Disney Princess costumes and Iron Man suits) say trick or treat and get a sucker or two.
Then have child traipse forward, lipsing the phrase that pays and answer “I punk wokker” when asked. Get three times the candy as those previous commercialized T-or-T’ers and sometimes even the stash that was under the counter, that the staff was really saving for themself.
Have everyone under the moon, including homeless peeps, stop and stare and ooh and ah. Even get a free rental at the movie store, due to cuteness. Nearly puke with pride and start to think of next year.
Go home with a punked out purse full of the goods, unwind with the new Tinkerbell DVD and really let the evil out while noshing on a single allowed piece of chocolate.
