On Friendship

Posted on August 8, 2008
Filed Under daily drama, let's be friends |

Me, as a friend.

I will tell you that you are beautiful (because I see it inside and out); that you deserve the best (because you do); what I love about you as a mother (and what inspires me); how strong I think you are; that you amaze me, sometimes; that I would help you with anything, at anytime, in any way that I can.

I will tell you if yellow is not your colour, if you need a size bigger and that your zipper is undone at the same time that spinach is in your teeth.

I will give you advice (usually whether you asked for it or not), and it will come from a logical and loyal place. I just want you to be happy, and if that means that you need to move far far away from me, go back to school and quit a shitty job, quit drinking or not have another baby, I will tell you that I think so.

I will never tell you to leave your husband, but I will tell you what is wrong in your relationship and gauge how you feel about it, too - and I will tell you that it seems like you think you want to stay or go. I will never call your ex an asshole, but I will tell you that I think he’s acting unjustly and try to figure out why - and give you suggestions for how to handle it.

I will lend you my makeup, bra, shoes and give you first dibs on anything I’m not attached to. I will buy you coffee because you deserve to be treated and it’s my pleasure. I will bake, and ziploc up extras for you. I will see something in a store that makes me think of you or how happy you might be to have it, and if my budget will allow it, I will buy it. I will send you emails, cards, text messages just to say, “Hi, I miss you.”

I will be a shoulder if you need it, a bed to crash at, a joke when the day’s been the shittiest yet.

Because I love you, as a friend.

I’m breaking up with you, because you have…

Told everyone my business, regardless of the personal degree of it. Accused me of trying to fuck your boyfriend, on my birthday, when I was nursing day three of a four day hangover, in a common area of our building, with your child watching.

Started drinking all the time, both before and during work. It’s rumoured in our neighbourhood that you’re stealing cash from work. You freaked out at one of our friends for something that she never did. You told me all about it, proud, and then tried to grill me for details.

You said that you needed to avoid me to that same friend because I wasn’t there for you and was untrustworthy. Then two hours later, you approached me for a 15 minute conversation about how you weren’t going to chase after her for her friendship - that you would start hanging out with new people. You lied about who you’re hanging out with, and when I busted you on it because one of the women was out of town, you lied about that.

You’ve talked shit about me to JDawg (who doesn’t even like you or want to talk to you at all), to one of my best friends (who was drunk and wanted to kick your ass), to people in our neighbourhood (who told me, then told me to drop it, since that’s just who you are). You’ve told lies about my very own friends, about how they wanted to hang out with you or have playdates. You’ve interrupted conversations I was having with friends you didn’t know and then later told me that you thought my friend didn’t like you since she was kind of bitchy.

My friends don’t like you. My ex doesn’t like you. My in-laws didn’t like you. That’s a lot of people to not like you, when they’re apparently the ones with problems.

You’ve lied about countless things, told an infinity number of other people’s secrets, apparently cheated on your boyfriend multiple times (and bragged about it). You have no fucking integrity. You’ve claimed to love people, including me and our friend and our kids, but you’re looking for us to love you. It’s not intrinsic, it’s for reciprocation.

Then, you don’t show up to two out of two of my kid’s birthday parties. And you say the week before her birthday, to her, that you have a present. And she’s yet to see it. You watched her for a few hours while I was in the hospital and apparently freaked out that she was uncontrollable and wouldn’t sleep.

Worst of all, you’re sometimes emotionally abusive (and in my opinion, physically) towards your son. He’s just a little boy and all he wants is your attention. He really just started talking, which is pretty sad for someone over three, and there’s a partial explanation in the fact that you’re often yelling at him and commanding him to do things, not talking to and with him.

So, we’re done. I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t turn my head to the side and go, “oh well, that’s just who you are,” and notice sadly how few other people want to talk to me or our other friend when we’re around you. I might be an angry person inside, but most people don’t know that about me - I don’t give it off unintentionally. You breath anger, resentment, spite and apathy.

You, to be honest, kind of make me sick.

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Comments

23 Responses to “On Friendship”

  1. Maggie's Mind on August 8th, 2008 9:05 pm

    There are not enough good friends in the world. Seriously. I hate it when a friend turns into the opposite.

    Maggie’s Minds last blog post..Haiku Friday 8/8/08 - Part Two

  2. melissa on August 8th, 2008 9:06 pm

    wow…
    i don’t blame you for breaking up with her…
    do you feel better now?
    i hope so!!
    sometimes friendships are toxic. this one sounds like it was.
    xoxo

    melissas last blog post..A Meme, A Small Piece of My Mind and A Thank You…

  3. stargirl on August 8th, 2008 9:08 pm

    this is a good one. a good move, and a beautifully written post.

  4. Colleen - Mommy Always Wins on August 8th, 2008 9:37 pm

    Whoever this chick is, it definitely sounds like this breakup was a long time coming. Good riddance - I hope writing this out proved to be good therapy, and that now you can breathe easier.

  5. Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas on August 8th, 2008 9:42 pm

    Wow. I’m glad I’m not on the receiving end of this. I hope things work out as they are meant to be for all involved. Remind me to never piss you off. :)
    Fear and Parenting in Las Vegass last blog post..Cent

  6. Natalie on August 8th, 2008 9:51 pm

    #1. Will you be my friend?

    #2. I don’t blame you at all. There are people who suck the life from your body and this friend sounds like one of those.

  7. Xbox4NappyRash on August 9th, 2008 12:21 am

    Why have I the song ‘no scrubs’ in my head?

    that sort of shit you can deal with when you’re 19, not when you’re older and have a family of your own to look after.

    Move on.

    Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Up periscope

  8. Rightmyer Rants on August 9th, 2008 6:09 am

    Wow - those were some powerful emotions! Do you feel better getting it off your chest? I know I would.

    Rightmyer Rantss last blog post..Book Give-Away

  9. Hockeyman on August 9th, 2008 6:17 am

    The poison that person injects will someday infect herself. You are wise to step away and will be better for it.

    As for the first part, can I be your friend? That sounds really nice and I will do the same but I can’t loan you my bras because I don’t have any. Anymore.

    Hockeymans last blog post..Daddy Date Night Aug 8, 2008

  10. Mrs. Kitty on August 9th, 2008 12:11 pm

    F “friends” like that. They suck the life out of you and give nothing in return. Your fabulous and deserve better than that. big hugs.

    Mrs. Kittys last blog post..Gym bunny my ass

  11. Huckdoll on August 9th, 2008 1:08 pm

    Wow.

    I love you and am so glad to have you as a friend.

    xo

    Huckdolls last blog post..A Little Bit of Weird, A Dash of Annoying and A Whole Lot of PMS

  12. Tara R. on August 9th, 2008 2:21 pm

    Toxic friendships are not worth saving.

    Tara R.s last blog post..Three-peat egomania

  13. Maria on August 9th, 2008 3:25 pm

    Can I kick her ass? Please?

    Marias last blog post..I’m in dire need of your assistance.

  14. ohmommy on August 9th, 2008 7:53 pm

    Ha. Let Maria kick her ass. I will manage the event. ;)
    ohmommys last blog post..A Tale of Two Sisters

  15. Zoeyjane on August 10th, 2008 11:23 am

    Colleen - I DO feel better after writing it all out. But I know that there’s no way I’m going to be able to just phase her out without some form of confrontation over it. (But part of me is actually kind of looking forward to that.)

  16. Zoeyjane on August 10th, 2008 11:24 am

    Natalie: #1 Sure! #2 (hehe number two) Yes, emotional vampire, for sure.

  17. Zoeyjane on August 10th, 2008 11:25 am

    Xbox: And now I HAVE the song in my head. Thanks for that. I give you my reciprocation: “My Doorbell” by the White Stripes.

  18. Zoeyjane on August 10th, 2008 11:27 am

    Hockeyman: I’m pretty sure that we’re different sizes, anyways. Are you a D? And yes, I’ve decided that you and I are going to be friends. Cue the White Stripes song.

  19. Zoeyjane on August 10th, 2008 11:28 am

    Kittycat: No, YOU’RE fabulous.

  20. Zoeyjane on August 10th, 2008 11:29 am

    Huckdoll: Ditto, duh.

  21. Zoeyjane on August 10th, 2008 11:30 am

    Maria: You have no idea how much I would enjoy watching that. Especially if OHmommy was managing the event. We could sell popcorn and drinks and then when the fight was over, two seconds later, we could PARTY, Vancouver styles.

  22. Vic @ Glowstars on August 11th, 2008 7:53 am

    You are the most amazing type of friend. Shame whoever is not going to be your friend any more just doesn’t measure up.

    Visit Vic @ Glowstars at http://www.glowstars.net to read…Crashes & Keys

  23. Miss on August 11th, 2008 4:50 pm

    Oh yea and Fuck you bitch! Mess with my T.

    I’m so glad to have you, the top half of you. Take that is you want. *muah*

    Visit Miss at http://ruraandmiss.wordpress.com to read…Another “first” gone

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