You’ll just have to wait.
Posted on August 1, 2008
Filed Under bedroom stuffs, daily drama, losin' it, why did i do that? |
In my next post, I’ll tally up the points and decide the winner of the shirt. Though I will say this: you guys slay me!
But for now, how about a nice, old fashioned head-explosion. Here’s how you can guarantee yourself to see Zoeyjane’s brains:
- Make her stay up until almost 3am cleaning the night before moving;
- Wake her up at 7am;
- Have a toddler who wakes up late, like, when she should already be at the babysitter’s house, clean and fed and dressed;
- Then make the movers half an hour late;
- Make sure they don’t speak English;
- Except make sure they can speak enough to complain about how many stairs her building has;
- Make sure they’re also bad drivers, who almost take out three different signs on the sidewalk outside her new building;
- And that it takes them five hours to move her one-bedroom apartment’s furnishings a block;
- Her new suite? It should be unfinished. The ceiling will still need repair, the appliances will be unclean, the stove and oven (which she needs to cook and bake tomorrow for Isobel’s birthday party on Saturday) will have nary a temperature gauge on it, a window will be missing blinds, and just for fun, the bathroom sink will be clogged with what seems to be potting soil;
- Then let her tetris all of her furniture around into a semi-livable way, only to find out the next day that everything has to move, for the internet to be hooked up to the correct sockets;
- Let her notice, suddenly, that she only has five cupboards in the kitchen. For everything. Make two of those cupboards the width of your hand;
- Also draw to her attention that of the three little closets she has, two are basically unusable;
- Who needs a room temperature above five degrees? Not Zoeyjane, cuz she’s living in an igloo, apparently;
- Put Isobel to bed an hour late, with a bleedingly-heinous diaper rash, after a day with no nap, with six or seven bug bites, on a fireworks night;
- Let her unpack in silence and floor squeaking bliss, listening to Portishead and occassionally sneaking downstairs for a half-smoke, but then, remind her that everything will have to move tomorrow and that she can’t take out her moving garbage with Isobel in tow. Suggest she store said empty boxes and bags of newspaper in the bathtub, where Isobel will not eff with them until they can go out;
- Let her miss the Internet, looking forward to the morning when the techician will come to hook it up. Then tell her no technician’s coming (so she really doesn’t have to wait around all day, like she’s about to do with a super cranky, whiny child), but that the company will Purolator a modem to her, at five fucking pm;
- Let her go to bed at 2am, having been awake for (counts on fingers) 19 hours. Allow her a comforting mug of hot chocolate and bowl of ramen. Only to wake up with…
Fifteen fucking red welts on her leg.
The kind of welts that only two things can cause: fleas or bed bugs. My neighbourhood has it’s own fucking page on the Bed Bug Registry, what’s how infested it is. And I have no pets, nor have seen anything jumping around. Guess whose assuming it’s bed bugs and FingTFO?
Ironically, all I want to do is go to bed.
Now, I have to go plan a fucking birthday party that’s probably going to get rained out. Pass Mommy the vodka, please.
Probably just as moody:
- Well isn’t that a cosmic kick in the ass? In my first blog, I really just ranted a lot - especially during the first year of Isobel’s life. Tonight,...
- Me, Being the CEO I’ve made some executive decisions, along with my usual (and some not) trusty advisors’ opinions to ponder. We’re not going...
- Pride, beauty and covering your ass. I got wind of some interrrresting news today. Apparently: I was only going to move to the suburbs to make...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
Comments
22 Responses to “You’ll just have to wait.”
Leave a Reply
-
Get Closer
-
Flight
-
Drinks
Oh, fuck, dude.
Oh. My. I do love that you said “Ironically, all I want to do is go to bed” because that was funny, well, not funny, but funny, given the situation, which isn’t funny. Make sense? Fingers crossed that all works out and soon.
Maggie’s Minds last blog post..Haiku Friday 8/1/08
I’m sorry Z.
Marias last blog post..Not so Tenderhearted.
aw fuck.
bedbugs? those fuckers get everywhere. your landlord is going to need to fumigate the whole building.
what are the chances of that happening?
Gawd, that sucks.
Here’s hoping Mommy will get that vodka after the party this weekend!
Aww, Z… hugs to you
Karen MEGs last blog post..Hit me Baby one more time
Oh my dear….and you still found time to update. How completely awesome are you? Why is my ‘puter doing this font?
Eve Greys last blog post.."What are you doing with the gardens entrusted to you?"
Damn….moving sucks. I totally sympathize with you, that sounds shitty. Triple Paste for the diaper rash. Cold beer or vodka beverage for you. Cheers! *clink*
Hockeymans last blog post..Updates and Brain Farts
k, forget that last part……i’m a dumb dumb.
Eve Greys last blog post.."What are you doing with the gardens entrusted to you?"
Things HAVE TO get better after that freakin’ nightmare!!
Stacey @Real World Moms last blog post..At the Boardwalk
Holy shit dude. This sucks. If I could, I would be there feeding you Vodka.
Misss last blog post..Just shut up already!
OMFG!!!
Rightmyer Rantss last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #6 - My Favorite Bands
Vodka?!?!?!
You need Weeds…either the show or the actual stuff!
You decide!
Helens last blog post..If at first you don’t succeed…keep trying!
Oh Crap. That sounds damn awful. Good luck with everything.
[[[[[big hugs]]]]]]] & a bottle of vodka!
Mrs. Kittys last blog post..Mrs. Mean and Angry (Meow)
SHIT.
You made me swear. But…. shit. Sorry babe.
DAYUM girlie.
Sounds like shit in a can.
A Whole Lot of Hoochs last blog post..Greased Up Dayglo Butterball
Oh no….I miss your old place already
Huckdolls last blog post..You’re Weird…and I Love It
Aw fuck, man. That sucks. I’m glad that you’re alive, but sorry that things are so frustratingly stressful right now. I’m thinking about you girls and your party today!
Sarahs last blog post..Goat Balls
Oh babe, I saw snippets on Plurk, but DAY-UM!!!
Love ya babe and hoping that it was just a couple of travelling bugs on their way through…
Kelleys last blog post..I was going to write a post…
I had to check in before I went to bed - I’m glad Hockeyman was able to help you get it back up and running!!
At least you have the justification to splurge on Grey Goose.
Kaui Hemmingss last blog post..Read Something Else
GAWWWW. I’m hoping it’s fleas rather than bedbugs. Or, or….mosquitoes got in or something. From all the moving. Yes, I’m hoping for that, and that they’re all dead now. Hugs to you.
Ashleys last blog post..Laundry Is For Losers