Yes, I did it. My rent that has been sitting in the bank for a week or so and I gouged into it.

The way money works for me is like so: JDawg pays two equal support payments each month on the first and fifteenth. Then, I get a few different sources of government assistance, being a low-income single mom, like rental assistance and child tax benefits. And every few months or so, I invoice my clients. All of these moneys work out so that the bulk of my income is in the last 10 days of the month - actually about 70% of it.

So the beginning of the month is ’spend it if ya got it’ time and thankfully, the end of the month is when most of the bills are due. But today, I stepped out of my normal spending spectrum to buy Isobel some size two clothes.

[Cuz we're going to start potty training next week. And we need big, easy-to-remove clothes. Like a size two is - she's wearing 12-18 and 18-24 months, right now.]

I spent $55 and she got to pick out some sale stuff. A touque, dress, cardigan, tunic, leggings and skirt later, I am fully immersed in PINK.

And I feel like I spend smartly, but still shouldn’t have spent. The guilt, sometimes kills me. Though…

I stopped myself from selling out and getting her a $45 kick-ass army green pea-length winter coat cuz a) it was $45 and b) it had faux fur on the hood. We don’t do fur - real or not. But then again…we never used to do commercial children’s characters, either, or PINK.

I’ve sold out. Toddler-styles.

Today, I cried over three separate, unrelated to me things. That’s something I rarely do anymore. Cry, that is. That whore Flo must be right around the corner, or something. And then there’s the fact that Hockeyman tagged me in a meme. And I rarely do those. But whatever. Let’s go.

I’m supposed to do eight, and to tag eight people. I’m not going to, cuz that’s like, thinking and I don’t think so well, lately.

4 things I’m passionate about (read: give a shit about, on a daily basis)

• food-mind-body connections
• reading and learning
• Isobel
• friends (aka, pretty much, family)

4 books I’ve read and worshipped

• Now, More, Again
• Lullabies for Little Criminals
• Go Ask Alice
• Diary of Anne Frank

4 words/phrases I say often

• Seriously (insert appropriate period, question mark, exclamation point, as context allows)
• I can’t understand what you’re saying when you talk in that tone, please use your words and stop whining or my brain, it will just explode.
• Can I please have a tall, non-fat, no whip, white mocha?
• Eh?

4 things I want to do before I die

• Graduate from something
• Fall in love, really.
• See an adult Isobel be happy in life, in general
• Weigh over 115 pounds and be proud of it

4 things I’ve learned in life

• Everything’s a lesson, nothing comes without a message
• Thinking, growing up with boys and men only wanting to fuck you? Really leads you to think that all boys and men want from you is to fuck you. And then, it’s really hard to deal with it when they don’t. Or to believe that they could also care, in addition to wanting to fuck you.
• Children can teach their parents so much more, potentially, than a parent can teach a child. Teach a child to learn and sit back while they explore. It’s astounding.
• Tell the truth, even it if makes people uncomfortable. Cuz there’s nothing worse than having your back against a wall going, "well, uh…"

4 places I want to see

• the Himalayas
• the top of the Grouse Grind
• New York City
• a wedding aisle (bridesmaid, Maid of honour, bride, whatever. I just wanna be dressed up, walking down an aisle.)