Integrity: adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
Synonyms: character, decency, honesty, honor, sincerity, virtue.
Today it occurred to me that I don’t have a whole lot of integrity. I’ve got some pretty awesome morals, sure. But I share things that other people have told me – not to people that it might matter to, but just in general. And I have always talked shit about JDawg behind his back (and to his face, but still) and every fight, screw up, bruise, at least five people heard about it. And I tell people that I will do things, and then I don’t follow through.
I guess the biggest conflict this causes is when it gets back to (or occurs to) someone that I’ve spoken about (them) to a third party. I’ve never been much of a gossiper – I’ve usually found myself more sympathetic than ‘oh my god!’ – but there are still the random times when I share something that is not mine to share.
And it’s not done out of deceit or ill-will. It’s done because sometimes, I just don’t stop and think. Which is a poor rationale, but still the reality of it.
As you probably have picked up on, I don’t have a great grasp on what is or isn’t appropriate to share with people. So I’ve, about 99% of the time, never censored myself. This has a few benefits and several drawbacks.
Anyone whose been kicking around here for a while knows me. And I mean knows me, not my internet persona. They often feel like they can share their own struggles or stories because I’ve been so open about mine. I think that’s a great thing. People opening up and communicating, I don’t think that’s bad.
But I know that I can make people feel uncomfortable. One might not want to know exactly how much blood I lost during my last miscarriage. Or how many girls I’ve done. Shrugs. I figure those people won’t read. And this is my space, so I will let it all out on the screen.
But I’ve got to stop talking and think about what I’m saying before I say it, about whom and when and where. Because not everyone would feel so liberal with their lives being out in the open.
Because not everyone wants me to share with them.
Because it’s the moral thing to do.
