I got the Lightening Online teeshirt. I implored to you talk some sense into me about the contest I was planning. And then poop happened.

Poop meaning moving stuff.

And rain and cloudy skies. And sorry, but it was crazy enough that I was going to do the half naked show in the sun, I’m definitely not doing it on a virtually hottie-less beach when it’s 15 degrees and cloudy. But I did still get all whorey-looking. Just for yous.

I could still go through with the contest, but that would mean holding onto the shirt for even longer, and that’s just not fair, considering that it will lower the number of potential contestants for the end-of-year prize.

[For the record, my boobs normally look way better than that. Ahem.]

So here’s the deal, yo. You leave me a comment with your bestest answers to the following. Each response will be scored on a 1-5 scale, giving a final score for each entry. Answers will be scored based on wit, calculated cruelty, blunt and self-esteem-damaging honesty, creativity and the always important compliment factor.

I’ll announce the winner and post the final scores when I have internet service again - likely on the evening of the 31st. The winner takes the shirt and the next top three will get a special pressie from me. If you don’t want the shirt, still enter and let me know cuz I will totally send you something good* if you win.

Your questions (blanks can be filled in with as many damn words as you want):

1. Zoeyjane ___________________ too much.
2. Isobel is the __________________________.
3. Moving sucks ________________________.
4. If I won a million dollars on the same day I found out I was going to die in a month, I would _______________________________.
5. I write a blog. This means I’m ____________________.

* Hint, hint: it may have something to do with being naked.

Go ahead. Try to figure out exactly how much television Isobel watched today. I bet you’ll underestimate.

The shit has been hitting the fan recently. Momentous, heart-attack causing incidents have been followed by solutions that are often better. Case in point?

Picture it: Friday night, about 11:30pm. I was online (of course) and get an email from my movers telling me that [long story short] cuz of a miscommunication, they’ve booked my moving slot on the 31st with another customer - did I still want the 1st? But. But. I have to be out of my apartment by 1pm on the 31st! What the hell am I going to do now?

I start freaking out, picturing asking a friend if we can stay with her family on the night of the 31st, if her mom will let us rent a truck on her credit card, if she can babysit and her husband can help me load up the truck and then park it at their building.

Next day, a panicked message to my new landlord about whether it would be okay to move in early, since the movers responded to my thinly veiled bitchiness with the offer of an earlier date. Landlord says sure, fine.

The world is a wonderful place.

This was going somewhere.

This morning, first thing (ish), I called the utilities providers to switch my account to the new place. Power? No problem. Even a lower rate at the new place, by like $8 a month. The phone/internet provider? I might want to hack them up into little pieces. Because the soonest they could have a technician out to hook up my service would be the 8th.

Um. I’m moving on the 30th. Wanna take bets on how long I could let that go, not being able to sit on the internet and do nothing, all night (and day)? Yeah, about 2 hours. Oh, and the kicker was that another technician would have to come to disconnect the service at this suite - and the soonest that could happen is the 5th.

So. I FTFO. I plurked it. I steamed and smoked. Honestly, I even kicked Isobel’s doggy, but don’t tell her that. I was a little upset.

Then I called the complete and hugest fall back provider, ever. And they offered me a free laptop, a phone bundle that gives me three services for the price of one and long distance, a free modem and a technician will come set it all up for me. On the 31st.

So ladies and gents (I see you two, lurking in the shadows), you won’t see me on plurk for pretty much all of the 30th and some large amount of the 31st. But, it’s not a nine-day hiatus, so, let’s all try to be okay with it, alright?