Exhaustication
Posted on June 9, 2008
Filed Under daily drama |
I am so rung through today. It was an emotionally exhausting one, as I’m sure y’all can picture, and on top of it, I woke up earlier than early, hacking. Cold sweats and a sexy voice have come to roost in me.
Everything and nothing got decided today. It’s a good thing, what has happened, partial support and reinstatement of visitation with specific rules, but at the same time, it’s all based on good faith and no written agreements or legal orders and right now, I’m not full of a lot of good faith. We have to go back in three weeks to say, yes, this works or no, this person didn’t do that and we have to attend a couple of counselling sessions and I don’t know. I feel like this is moving too slowly.
From a legal perspective, coming up with any agreement in under two weeks is pretty momentous, but from mine? It’s all just the same stuff, said by different people. I’m looking too much into the past, possibly, and seeing it not working out as promised.
The optimist is sleeping tonight, it seems.
But this has me pondering cycles and how to stop them. I’ve been really good at repeating them, to this point, and the main intention with the initiation of all of this stuff was to say, “enough. We’re not going to let our issues be the deciding factor of whether our daughter can sleep at night.”
And the decisions that were made today, the agreements - they’re the exact same ones as we agreed upon last August. So if cycles should repeat themselves, it will be up to me to end them. And I’m so bad at saying no to him, it will reach the point where I’ve not said it enough (or ever, really) and then I scream it.
So that onus is upon me. Today, I looked pretty and fresh-faced and doe-eyed and I felt like the ugliest gold digger in the world. That can’t happen. I can’t let myself feel like a leper because I’m doing the right thing, regardless of who it might upset or enrage.
We can’t have a depressed mommy, can we?
My task at hand? To re-read my favourite book. it’s a quick read - faster than book time with Isobel, sometimes. And it’s full of flippant, good-natured advice on embracing the inner bitch, goddess and riot girl in all of us.
So, to help y’all out, too, cuz I know some of you have ugly or fat or sweat-pants-designated days, I’m going to have a contest. Read on:
Win this book by…
Commenting, telling me what you’d tell your best girlfriend to do if she was having “one of those days” - cuz I know we all give great advice to other people, and rarely take our own. You’ve got until 11:59pm, PST on Friday to do so.
The best five answers (at midnight on Saturday morning) will go on to an anonymous vote this whole weekend. The winner will be announced on Monday, July 16th - the day after we’re all supposed to tell the dads in our lives that they rock. After all of the lying about that waiting on hand and knees purchasing shiny or electrical or powerized things, wouldn’t you like to reward yourself?
Make sure the email address you’re commenting with is legit, cuz I’ll be emailing the winner, who has gotta be willing to give up the address (and a real name) for where it’s going. Heck, you can give the address and name of your mother in law, if you want, just as long as it’s going to a real person.
I’m so ready for your wisdom. Fire, when ready.
Probably just as moody:
- Pride, beauty and covering your ass. I got wind of some interrrresting news today. Apparently: I was only going to move to the suburbs to make...
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16 Responses to “Exhaustication”
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Get Closer
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Flight
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Drinks
Entry later. Now, VERY proud of you. You just put your first chink in the chain tonight. Don’t think you didn’t, either, because this, today? WAS HUGE. Takes balls. Loving you for it.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..The World’s Leading Authority in Shingles
*hoping I can get a co-parenting agreement in place without lawyers*
I hope it works out for you!
I mean - I hope having good faith works out.
Keep the momentum going whatever you have to do, YOU CAN DO IT! It will all be better in the “end” for you and Isobel. You know this is the right thing to do…. I am rooting for you and am SO proud!
Hope everything works out the way you envision it.
soge shirts’s last blog post..National Spelling bees
Good luck with all this and hope it goes well.
Tara R.’s last blog post..Benjamin Franklin ate here…
my good entry will come in a bit. I wanted to quickly say that I know this has to be rough on you, and your doing great. I know it may not feel like that to you right now, but you are and you AND your daughter will be reaping the benefits soon.
Mrs. Kitty’s last blog post..Greatest Inventions
Seriously, with every post, you prove to be such a strong pillar of strength for yourself and Isobel. You have my total respect. Hope it all works out.
Sandy (Momisodes)’s last blog post..Not Sexy In The City
I’m half in the bag right now after celebrating my frined’s birfday but when my friends are feeling really down, which usually happens only in a relationship breakdown, i say something along the lines of, “You are smart, beautiful, mindful, talented & great in bed (from what you’ve told me) so pull yourself up, let the light shine on you & move forward. I love you. Now put on your pretty clothes because we’re going out for a drink”.
Eve Grey’s last blog post..I wish I was a baller, I wish I was taller
[...] Q&A « Exhaustication [...]
If one of my BFFs (I have two … get over it) were having “one of those days,” the first thing I would tell her is “I’m sorry.” I have this habit of empathizing with whoever I’m talking to with that phrase. BFF tells me that her Grams died, I apologize. BFF tells me that she wore two unmatching socks, I apologize. BFF tells me she peed her pants while in Target, I laugh, while apologizing.
Then, the next few lines would probably come out (in no order):
I love you.
Wanna hear about *MY* day?
You are fabulous.
Thank you for remembering my birthday when I was a shit head and forgot yours.
At least you didn’t poop your pants in Nordstroms … it was just pee in Target!
I love you.
Want a beer? I have one left and I will give it to you.*
You did the right thing. I have faith in you. Tomorrow is another day. You can do this.
I love you.
*This might mean more than “I love you” to my BFFs.
The Queen of Whale Penises’s last blog post..Love me, love my needs
Sounds like you have taken a great first step. Keep up the hard and painful work. There is a light at the end even if you can’t see it.
Hugs they make things better.
Breaking that cycle is a gift to yourself daughter, and to your future grandchildren. Remember that the next time you feel like you can’t say no. Picture your grandbabies watching you and needing you to do the right/strong/smart thing. I no you won’t let them down.
And hey, girlfriend. Life is like another kind of cycle; sometimes you have to stop and oil your chain before you can put any more miles on it. Park it. Rest. You can gas up tomorrow and move on
Half-Past Kissin’ Time’s last blog post..Can’t Wait for School to Start?
The wheels are in motion.. you should be proud of yourself for pushing forward and not looking back.
And when my girlfriend is having one of those days the conversations is usually trying to make her laugh.
I use humor when my friends are down. I try to pick them up by telling them about the random stupid crap that happened to me recently. and once I have them laughing or at least smiling, I will then fill their head with the reasons why they are awesome and why they make other women jealous to be around them (I just point out their awesome qualities).
It sounds silly.. but it works everytime.
Kim’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday - Career Assessment
I don’t give advice. I give 44 oz fountain drinks. with a chocolate bar.
MomBabe’s last blog post..Suggestions?
[...] unrelated guilt trip: So, you’re too good to enter the contest? Lazy? Don’t like the prize? It’s okay. I feel the same way, sometimes. But so far, [...]