I’ve got some amazing people in my life. I’ve also just voided one not so amazing one.
The Back Story
Thursday night, I started hemorraging again. Between 7pm and 10ish, I got concerned that I might have to go back to the hospital, so I lied down to relax with a glass of water. I was giving it an hour and I wasn’t feeling confident in the decision I was going to have to make, since JDawg was already stoned and drunk at this point.
At quarter to 11, Isobel woke up and needed some attention. I got up, worried if I was going to potentially pass out if I went in to get her, so decided to test it by having a bit of a smoke. If I could make it through smoking unphased, the experience of the past week told me, I would be fine to take care of her. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. OH, god, not this shit again. I asked JDawg to go deal with her and then I stepped away from the window.
And collapsed, flat out, again.
He came running out with baby in arms and started yelling at me right away. I mean, yeah, I’d collapsed but I felt so much better lying there on the floor and all of the dizziness and stuff had disappeared as soon as hardwoods met my back. I kept saying that I was fine, just take care of Isobel. I was being ridiculous he said. I needed to get in a taxi immediately. I was going to blame him for me not being able to go. I wanted to lie there, I was comfie there, I was making sure Isobel was being taken care of, but apparently, I was being a ridiculous bitch.
He kept coming out to smoke and yell at me, her crying in the bedroom. I agreed I had to go to the hospital but that while I was lying there, nothing bad was happening, so just take care of Isobel, then he could help me get into a taxi or call an ambulance.
By midnight, I’d crawled to bed by myself. By about the same time, he decided he was done taking care of her, since she wasn’t going back to sleep for him. He couldn’t handle it. He had to sleep. He had work in the morning. I was still waiting to go back to the hospital but with him quitting dad-hood, he decided Isobel would come out and lie down with me.
And then after 10 minutes, he lost his shit cuz she was talking – cuz she was like, out in the play area, you know? He told her to shut up.
Sorry, but you don’t tell my not-even-two-yet kid to shut up. You don’t tell you own not-even-two-yet kid to shut up when you’re 28 and you’ve had to take care of her at night time three times in the past year and a half. You don’t tell my not-even-two-yet kid to shut up when I am right there to hear you, and so is she. You get TFO after that.
But he refused to leave and things got ugly. And I was physically threatened, and I wielded a cordless phone across his face when he refused to leave even though I threatened to call the cops – you don’t tell my not-even-two-yet kid to shut up, then raise your fist at her mother in front of her, twice. He unplugged the phone so I couldn’t call, then went to sleep in Isobel’s room. I had to crawl to the wall to plug it back in, then called Stargirl for her advice, at 1:30am.
Ultimately, I didn’t end up getting to the hospital, I stayed awake with a movie on for Isobel until she passed out around four. Then he got up at 6 and woke us up.
And it just continued.
And now, I feel like a fool for letting someone who has previously called me the stupidest cunt he’s ever known, to do it again. I mean, yes, I was a mega bitch to him that night for quitting taking care of his own daughter and for yelling at me. Yup, I hit him to get him to leave. Yup, I screamed at him to leave. But at the same time, you cannot, as a human being, scream at someone for not going to the hospital, then put them in the position where they can’t, then threaten violence – all in front of their not-even-two-yet kid.
So, he left. He left with my keys (locks are being changed), with all of the money (it was payday and he canceled the bank cards) and the threat to never pay support again (a week before rent is due, knowing I had about $15 in my wallet). He walked out on his daughter after calling me a bitch. Again.
So, new leaf. This is never happening again. He is never happening again. The law will be involved, and I will allow courts to make their decisions and I’m reasonably self-assured that visitation will not be allowed and that support will be what I was used to getting before. It will just be a tough couple of months because of it.
And with this new leaf, Zoeyjane is changing. Because she’s going to be the mom that Isobel needs, not the one who feels guilty for her dad’s problems and gives him basic free-reign to control their lives. She’s taking some power back and she’s going to get healthy about it. And he will not be a part of her life outside of whatever the courts decide.
The Real Point to This Story
I still had to go to the hospital.
That mom that I complain about? I asked her to watch Isobel (cuz she treats her like a little baby, so I know I wouldn’t have to worry about anything untoward) while I went. Not sure of what would be done, or for how long, she was given Mr Lady’s number. Then she got a little scared that JDawg might show up, looking for Isobel, since legally she couldn’t stop him from taking her.
So Isobel moved to another friend’s house. Then back. Then Mr. Lady was called in. And my kiddo? Apparently totally fine with all of this. The same kid who will freak out if I go to the corner store and leave her with her dad. Totally fine. Happy. Ate junk food and loved it. Played with 3of3 and learned 2of2s name and loved The Donor. My kid.
So, the point of this part that is much shorter than the first part, though it deserves to be longer?
I asked for help and all of these families gave it to me. The world didn’t explode and I got the care I needed at the hospital, without really having to worry about if Isobel was ok or if she was in danger. I got to sleep a full night’s sleep because she had a sleepover with the Mr. Lady family. I got to feel better and like it was okay that I handed my kid over to people without a specific plan in place. They had to change her diapers and feed her and well, no one’s really had to do that before. That was all my job, and I thought that asking someone for help in this way would be burdening them.
And they were happy to do it.
When I called this morning? The Mr. Lady wanted to hang out with her for a bit longer. Then, an hour before I was sure she’d be happy to unload my temporarily adopted child, she asks to keep her longer. As if I might be pissed about her asking?!
Ha! Me, complain? Nope. Cuz yup, I miss Isobel, but the silence here? It’s so amazing, I think I might go make love to it.
