Tellin’ All Yer Friends (yah yah)
Posted on February 28, 2008
Filed Under let's be friends, meme me |
My new soon to be girlfriend, LunaNik, made up some stuff trying to dissuade my love but it just won’t take. She busted out the Keeping It Real meme, listing a handful of things that are embarrassing. Things that people might not know about her until they’re very (wink wink) comfortable.
She threw down the challenge and at first I was all, yeah, I’m totally into the self-deprecation! Then I was like, damn, I’m running out of gross stuff about myself to talk about… Be forewarned, I am grasping at straws here - very intimate, information-laden straws.
- Because of the um, sheer force of expelling Isobel’s apparent football shoulders from my body, and the 20 minutes of repair time afterwards, I only know that I have to poop when my ass hurts. Then it’s an emergency.
- I laugh a little every time I think of the rampant blog flirting and wonder how many of you would stop asking me to make out if you knew that almost half of the people I’ve dated have been girls (2 out of 5). Cuz you might think I might think you were serious.
- I am really really bad at masturbating. Seriously. No clue.
- The last time I shaved my legs? December 8th, 2007.
- I sometimes forget to brush my teeth. For a day or two.
- When people stop us and tell me Isobel is beautiful, I say, “Thank you. I grew her, myself!” every single time.
- I have slept with 100% of my male exes, at some point, after we’ve broken up. I’m a commitment-phobe, apparently.
- I still hate my father, even though he’s been dead for almost two years.
- I over perform in arenas where I feel least emotionally secure. Life of the party? Nope, just turned on the funny cuz I think you think I’m a loser.
- I spent about a third of junior high on heroin, traipsing into school late and concerned if my period was late because I’d slept with someone at a shoot. Cuz I didn’t remember the shoot. Cuz I was that fuct up.
- I know a lot of Disney movies’ soundtracks, but not because of Isobel. Cuz I was in choir.
- The first time I planned to kill myself, I was eight. There’s nothing like the lack of element of surprise to talk you down, when a teacher’s aide finds your suicide note before you’ve even attempted it. I was really scared I was going to get in trouble. I did.
- Even though I’m a total control freak, my greatest wish is for someone to just do it for me and then tell me what to do with mine and Isobel’s selves.
Also, that there beauty award from Stacey@ Real World Mom, I’m going to hand it out to a couple of gals that I know’ve gotten it before: LunaNik and HuckDoll. Y’all at least have matching pairs and kick mucho asso.
Probably just as moody:
- On watching friends hurt This is about everyone and no one - this is even about me. See yourself, or not, it might apply...
- On Today’s Agenda… Yeah, no, I’m really not going to talk (again) about what I need to do. We’ll just leave it for...
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15 Responses to “Tellin’ All Yer Friends (yah yah)”
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Nicely done my friend, nicely done. You totally kept it real! Especially with #3 to which I just say…Whaaa??? How can you be bad at that…seriously, how? You know what they say, practise makes perfect so I suggest you practise two, maybe three times a day at least. Ok? Ok.
Oh…and the “soon to be girlfriend” line…see Luna *blush*
Thanks for the award doll face.
I will have to agree with LunaNik about number three.. I was scratching my head going really??
I am wondering what the special occassion was to shave your legs on Dec 8th.. ?
This was an awesome honest list.. loved it.
This is why I love your blog….you’re so freakin’ real!
Don’t fret about #3….I didn’t learn until about a year ago
Wow. That’s quite the list. I admire your courage for sharing.
And, clearly everyone’s obsessed with your revelation in #3… maybe they really do want to be your girlfriend? *grin*
I, too want to know what was so special about Dec 8th? I usually shave mine in anticipation of gettin’ a little somethin’-somethin’…
You are not a loser. Not. Even. Close.
But for the love of god, my dear, get yourself the Rabbit. And, I don’t mean the furry kind that hops around in the backyard.
As for the dating girls thing, you don’t scare me. If I was ever going to bat for the other team, I’d totally be lusting after you. I’m keepin my flirt on.
I wish I knew you when you were eight. I would have given you a hug, cried with you, and done everything I could to keep you safe.
I think your past makes you beautiful because you endured it and are hear to tell it, bravely, beautifully.
Love and Hugs!
I LOVE #6! What an awesome response!
I love that you are real. Thanks for that. I though I never shaved my legs…. girl you got me beat! LOL. Isobel IS beautiful. you SHOULD think about modeling. Her eyes are simply gorgeous. You are so good at growing things!!!
Well hot damn.
I came to tell you what a fabulous response you gave to Karen on her ‘time out’ post about being sent that ugly e-mail from a fellow blogger.
i love your last line about ‘the toddler inside the blogger body’ Great line.
This made me laugh and snort.
Lunanik and Huckdoll totally kick ass!
You are one brave woman! To go through some of the crap you listed here and become funny (#9 aside), honest and eloquent–you’re ahead of me!
Oh my… I love #6… my son is the only one in our family with blond hair and blue eyes… when asked I tell people the kit we made him from was mislabeled. All of these… whoo hoo… you are still my hero.
this was fun to read, thanks for being open and sharing :o)
number three isnt so unusual. Ive been pleasuring myself since I was a child…weird I know, but I just a weird sexual being.
I know a male the has never touched himself, just doesnt do it for himself I guess. It boggles my mind. Chew on that one for a bit lol
Yeah, we’re still making out!
LMAO..I suck too at No. 3…mainly because I lay there thinking about it so much that I usually fall asleep instead.
My libido is sooooo rawkin.
Sigh…
Have you read “Lullabies for Little Criminals?” I think you might like it. It’s by a Canadian author. There are some similarities between your life & the heroine’s.
sheesh… i dunno if i could put up a list like that… yours is hysterical though!