My new soon to be girlfriend, LunaNik, made up some stuff trying to dissuade my love but it just won’t take. She busted out the Keeping It Real meme, listing a handful of things that are embarrassing. Things that people might not know about her until they’re very (wink wink) comfortable.
She threw down the challenge and at first I was all, yeah, I’m totally into the self-deprecation! Then I was like, damn, I’m running out of gross stuff about myself to talk about… Be forewarned, I am grasping at straws here – very intimate, information-laden straws.
- Because of the um, sheer force of expelling Isobel’s apparent football shoulders from my body, and the 20 minutes of repair time afterwards, I only know that I have to poop when my ass hurts. Then it’s an emergency.
- I laugh a little every time I think of the rampant blog flirting and wonder how many of you would stop asking me to make out if you knew that almost half of the people I’ve dated have been girls (2 out of 5). Cuz you might think I might think you were serious.
- I am really really bad at masturbating. Seriously. No clue.
- The last time I shaved my legs? December 8th, 2007.
- I sometimes forget to brush my teeth. For a day or two.
- When people stop us and tell me Isobel is beautiful, I say, “Thank you. I grew her, myself!” every single time.
- I have slept with 100% of my male exes, at some point, after we’ve broken up. I’m a commitment-phobe, apparently.
- I still hate my father, even though he’s been dead for almost two years.
- I over perform in arenas where I feel least emotionally secure. Life of the party? Nope, just turned on the funny cuz I think you think I’m a loser.
- I spent about a third of junior high on heroin, traipsing into school late and concerned if my period was late because I’d slept with someone at a shoot. Cuz I didn’t remember the shoot. Cuz I was that fuct up.
- I know a lot of Disney movies’ soundtracks, but not because of Isobel. Cuz I was in choir.
- The first time I planned to kill myself, I was eight. There’s nothing like the lack of element of surprise to talk you down, when a teacher’s aide finds your suicide note before you’ve even attempted it. I was really scared I was going to get in trouble. I did.
- Even though I’m a total control freak, my greatest wish is for someone to just do it for me and then tell me what to do with mine and Isobel’s selves.
Also, that there beauty award from Stacey@ Real World Mom, I’m going to hand it out to a couple of gals that I know’ve gotten it before: LunaNik and HuckDoll. Y’all at least have matching pairs and kick mucho asso.
