so i’ve got two days, really, until i host a dinner for my ex, his mom and brother and stargirl and starboy – and z and i, of course. i’m stressing, yet racking my brains for how to time manage the next few days, what to cook when, what i still need to buy for groceries, etc etc.
i think it’ll be ok, no matter what.
date night.
part of dinner planning is prepping z for the evening of, wherein she’ll likely be up a couple of hours past her normal bedtime. so tonight, i began stretching her later. we went to metrotown, had some dinner and picked up her picture with santa finally. and by the time we were leaving, it seemed quite late and she started melting down half way home, leading me to know that it’s really really late and i’ve overdone it. i didn’t even have to check the time
when we got home, it was barely past her bedtime. i’m talking minutes, here. so we hung and watched some love, actually and cuddled and she went to bed at 930. and slept almost immediately.
future plans.
hopefully, tomorrow will wake up around 10, then nap around 230 til dinnerish, then the next day, repeat. the goal is to make 10pm the bedtime for a couple of days, so that xmas dinner will not be met with flipping out zoë (available at your nearest Kmart – she screams, she holds her breath, she goes limp and lies on the floor kicking her feet. she will even rub her snot on you, on purpose!).
a sticky situation.
see, i specifically told everyone that i wanted no presents for xmas. it was about zoë and honestly, i don’t need or want more stuff whilst trying to recreate my life, one of minimalism. so then fh lets it out of the bag that they, meaning him and his mom and brother are getting me something big that they’re all splitting the cost of. and then a little bit later, fn confirms it (not knowing she’s confirming it).
and then on angry sunday, one of the things i took fh to task with was that he knew i didn’t want anything and especially not something big that will take up space and it was his job to stand up for that – to respect what i wanted, for once. so he’s all, “fine, i’ll tell my mom we’re not getting you anything.” and i tell him that he can’t do that, cuz it will hurt people’s feelings, now that they’ve planned this thing and are like, happy about it. and i say, just please, will it be returnable, if it doesn’t fit or i don’t need it or something? and he says, “yes, i’ll make sure you get a receipt, just in case”.
problem solved, basically, right? i mean, yes, everyone did ignore what i said i wanted for xmas (nothing) but whatever, since when has xmas ever been about what i wanted, anyways?
so then last night he’s talking about what he still has to buy for people* and he busts out that he’s getting me nothing. and i’m like, well you guys are getting me that big thing, that’s more than enough. and he’s, “no, we’re not doing that. i told my mom you didn’t want it. but she got you a couple of little things, anyways. talk to her about it.”
guilt=spending money.
i mean, i felt such guilt finding out they were spending money they didn’t need to on me, when i hadn’t planned on getting them anything. remember my controlled spending plan? only on kids? it went out the window as soon as i knew about the big thing. so i dropped like $200 on them. and now, i’m both angry at him for making me look like a person obsessed with getting what she wants and who doesn’t want anything from you, thankyouverymuch and i’m torn as to whether i should just go get that $200 back and return everything.
the drama is unending, obviously i need to move away from it.
sigh. i thought this familial drama would end with the breakup. or at least the drama with him. it’s been five months and it’s like nothing’s different, he just doesn’t live here. except when he’s here, he acts like he still does. i am very uncomfortable, basically.
thus endeth the drama llama rant.
* and throwing money in for the presents i already bought for z. i offered a few days ago when he, for the upteeth time was like, what should i get her (the fucking dora desk, for the last fucking time!) i figured he’d take it, rather than shopping a bunch for her, himself. but he said that he will still get her something so, yay. he will finally buy her something, himself, it only took 17 months. yes, i am bitter about that. get over my bitterness.
