the misinformer tried to say today that the one i was frustrated with was lying to me, to appease me. and after we fought and i was again threatened and told for stupid reasons that i am a horrible mom because i dared the misinformer to sober up and then take me to court for sole custody.
guess i just totally let the cat out of the bag, there.
so fh left cuz after we fought and he was just lying there, doing nothing and z was upset cuz she has a diaper rash from pooping too much and i was cleaning her up after another crap diaper and he was doing nothing. not comforting her, not looking at her, nothing. and i was just like, “contribute” and he explains why she’s upset and i fucking knew why but said ‘would it be too much for you to try to comfort her or something?’ and he’s just like, what’s the point and i’m like, fine, see ya. and he gets up and goes to walk out and i’m like, aren’t you even going to say goodbye to her? and he’s all what’s the pointish and says that he doesn’t care and i’m all ‘you don’t care about your daughter?’ and he says that i’ve ruined his relationship with her.
um yeah. so i’m the reason you turn off being in love with your kid at the drop of a hat?
anyways. he leaves, z doesn’t even notice, just is happy that i’m finished changing her bum and dora is on and i call his mom and say i’m done with this, you lied to me and she’s like, i did no such thing, what i told you is exactly what happened and i say exactly what he said and she is awestruck and confused as to why he would say/do the things he did/does. and says he was upset this morning about me maybe moving to the suburbs and i’m like, he’s not okay and tell her about last weekend and how he scared me, with his practically psychosis.
and i have talked to a few people now and i am going forward with court orders not for my benefit, not to punish him but cuz it’s not right that z is in the middle of his problems that he refuses to confront or deal with or anything and so regardless of how it will make my life harder and what little semblance of friendship we were regaining, i must do what will ultimately be best for z.
that means having money legally decided and inforced and visitation rules in place. and i can say, demand, bitch or shut up about him not drinking around her or before coming to see her, but i cannot really do anything about it without causing more anger from him because he takes it as a personal attack on his, um, parenting skills.
anyways, tuesday, his birthday, will be the day i fill out the paperwork so i feel like a cunt. but if i don’t do it asap, i won’t do it, again, still. and then the next fight, it will be another threat to withdraw support cuz we are mean to each other when we’re not drinking or fucking or just in general don’t really have a reason not to be mean.
