i used to use crazy cleaning (OCD + hypomania=spotless tiles) as therapy. and i’ll be honest, right now, i’m not crazy so much as frustrated cuz of the following reasons:
- just when i start destressing about the work i have to do and the time i need to do it, cuz i’ve been taking a lot more me time than i usually would and nothing has blown up, that’s when one of my clients will drop a motherload
- one of my clients is a really really disorganized person who is really an amazingly nice person, too, so i feel bad when i get pissed off about her just suddenly emailing me some big task
- it’s so frustrating that sometimes i think that i cannot work for her any more cuz i could handle it if it were consistent, but it never is
- also, z is crazy, which i do love a lot about her because she’s got so much wonderful spunk, but it is also a constant fight to calmly, for the 100th time say: don’t kick mommy, no biting, stop climbing the bookshelves, no headstands in the bathtub, you cannot walk down the stairs without a grownup, go up the stairs facing forwards, do not stand on the snack table, etc. i’d say half of my time is spent saying good job, thank you for helping/listening and the other half pulling her away from the brink of a broken neck.
life can be really tiring around here. but it can also be so fulfilling, like those rare instances when i announce nap time and she grabs my hand and pulls me with her into her bedroom and holds up her arms for some cuddles and a song. and let’s be honest, i’m blessed, or whatever other gay word you want to replace that with, that i have an ex who is so concerned with all of our happiness and standard of living that he would hand over nearly half of his income every month to ensure that we have what we need. so that i can stay home and work from here as often as possible and zoë get’s the benefit of mommy and food.
and i have a daughter who loves me obsessively and obviously and is a genius, as i keep convincing myself. and i have good friends who love me and vice versa and christmas is coming.
and really this whole post was about that – how christmas coming is making everything ok. cuz i am still seven years old and will be for the next seven weeks.
actually the whole point was to say that i am so frustrated i’m going to spend all of nap time cleaning my bathroom until it all sparkles. but now, catharsis has removed the whim from my task list.
