you know what joy is? going off of the normal feminine hygiene products to use a “menstrual solution” that looks like something scary and really having to master it’s insertion cuz if it’s not in there right it pinches and leaks and the leaking is the worst thing because i swear i have about two pairs of non-hanes-her-way underwears that don’t have stains on them and the whole time i am attempting to master this shit, poking and prodding and rotating with my foot on the toilet seat etc, zoë is circling my ankle because i don’t trust her to close the bathroom door when i go in and she follows me everywhere, being my potty buddy and all and she’s, “hey mom, i want that!?” and then i had to say to her that she couldn’t have one for at least 10 years.
i made a cup of coffee at six o clock in an insulated travel mug that was my dad’s that he never used that he gave me before he died and it had had a starbucks coffee card inside of it because it was part of the gift deal that some company he used to work with gave him but when i discovered the card when he gave me the cup it had already expired dammit and i had forgotten it when i moved in with fh again but when he died it was one of the things that i took before leaving a house full of stuff for his landlord to get rid of. the coffee is still hot almost two hours later. i’m glad i asked fh to bring it back because drinking from it makes me feel closer to my dad even though he never did use it kind of like how i use his old coffee mug for a pen holder i guess.
i am a tad manic but not in a negative way just thoughtsPlansDREAMS are rushing through my head and did you know? there’s a stargirl SEQUEL called love, stargirl. the box set of the two books is like $45 so instead i bought zoë two books and myself a magazine for the purposes of finding more writing material on the subject of financial planning for single parents. i am thinking HALLOWE’EN costumes, what are you?
we go to the bookstore at least once a week cuz zoë is rad like that and adores books she will read them and touch and eat and just hold them for over an hour excited by the learning possibilities i’m sure. this morning fh got to see the thing that dora has become to her via watching how every book she went for in the bargain section was of dora or related but nothing to do with diego who fh told me is dora’s cousin? then i was all, hey z, let’s go show daddy the other dora books and she knew where i meant! and rushed the 25 feet past other racks of sparkly, fuzzy, child-character decorated books and then saw the rack i was talking about and full-tilted it over yelled “dah ahhhhhh.” he almost fell down laughing i swear and we both just had to shake our heads at her dora attachment.
also at the book store i found the future xmas pressie of one of my BGFs and it is not stargirl’s sequel but almost NO MORE supercooler.
for the rest of the month so for ten days or so i have to write another five articles for the hubpages site and one per day for the ED site and rework and finish that dbase that i hauled so much derriere on and also in order to get paid and therefore have money left after rent if not just to pay it all on time i have to do this other database. oh and one of my clients has a client who wants to hire me to do three different databases for him and my client also said that she prolly has full time work for me she just didn’t think i was ready or could handle the work load right now and so YAY for money, honeys and i will be trying to hook up someone to kidnap z for three hours a day three days a week so i am guaranteed more specific working time not just during the destressing while she’s asleep time.
this month i have spent over $150 at starbucks and less than that on smokes so what do you think i am really addicted to and how to i quit because that’s not even counting the swiss mocha flavoured instant coffee that i drink five-to-seven cups of a day at home and am drinking hot right now.
i took new pictures of my jeans falling down because i am smaller than a 0 and they are a 4 but i’m sure that you don’t want to see those cuz they are v profiling of my stretch marks and i think i need to stop pretending that they don’t bother me so much via overcompensating and showing them off and it’s convenient because i no longer have to fumble to take them off during those moments when the clothes need to come off and ask me why fh was here first thing in the morning on a weekend? here’s a hint, we drank and then went to a cold beer and wine store cuz we ran out.
also you should be aware that i actually haven’t lost weight i’ve just been bouncing back and forth between 98 and 101 and the pounds i have seem to be realigning themselves cuz boney parts are getting sharper yet the numbers aren’t changing maybe it’s that my body is eating the fat stores i have and i will soon just be all muscle. fun. except i don’t really mean that though it would be nice to not get my period again like when i was younger cuz it really doesn’t make sense that i still do get it since i’m prolly sitting at around 16% fat and i was told when i was younger that around 18% is needed for auntie flow to visit. i guess i’m just special or blessed?
only 12 more days until i see this guy all sweaty and hopefully shirtless.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khFOrfGMs1Y]
excuse me while i go sit on an unbalanced washer, now.
