so i’ve been missing, and for that i apologize – like you really missed me. but it’s been an eventful week!
- after the last weekend and it’s antics, yes, i’ve learned my lesson. i think i scared the rebellion out of me – it’s pretty frightening not being able to take care of your baby.
- then she got sick, again. the fifth time in four months. which has resulted in another double-ear infection and diapers you don’t want to have to change, multiple times a day. still, after a week.
- she’s also given up eating most foods that she loved before. she was such a good eater, she out ate some of the toddlers we know. and it was all healthy – fruit, vegetables, whole wheat and grains, etc.
- it’s hard to tell if it’s the cold or if she’s starting the crazy picky phase of childhood eating (not eating childhoods, you know). the last week has been a whirlwind of crackers, nutrigrain bars, formula, breastfeeding and pasta. that’s it. she won’t do fruit or vegetables anymore.
- so then, i guess partly due to stress and my half-assed, self-destructive diet (yes, my tummy is flat once again and i am lower than 110lbs. tisk tisk me later, i’m happier about my body, dammit), i got her cold. it came on as a sore throat on wednesday, and then thursday was full-blown. weakness, sore bones, dizziness, running nose, cough, the works. for the first time since she’s been born, i gave up my mommy-martyr role and slept for most of thursday while dr. daddy took care of her.
- it was a good thing cuz it showed him that 1) he could do it and 2) she’s not all that hard to handle. i also got to ride out a 104 degree fever, for once, instead of pushing myself and then possibly getting sicker.
- i found my mom on facebook and it’s been a good experience. she ended up reading some of my old posts on here, some pretty brutal things that i’ve said, and understandably, she felt a certain sting. but i apologized and explained where it had come from and guess what? she apologized, too. my dad never apologized to me for his part in my down-raising.
- i’ve come to the conclusion, for probably the twentieth time in my life, that i’ve allowed myself to become a doormat/vessel for other people’s anger – this rerealization is generally based upon the mom stuff, because really, how could i just swallow everything ever told to me, without questioning it once? but also, just my day to day life.
- i mean, come on, i live in an on again off again friendship with some one who doesn’t like most things about me and i’m constantly resenting of him because of his own problems and lack of ability to cope with them/not take them out on me. i guess we’re feeling the exact same things.
- either way, i’m seeing this new relationship with my mom as an opportunity to start everything fresh. i’m going to seriously analyze how it is that i negatively affect dr. daddy and i’m going to work on those things, and really, if i can’t work on them enough or my efforts are unnoticed and unappreciated, well then, i guess i will give up hope, finally.
- point being, this is the beginning of a whole new rilah.
- i’ve lost track of when i should expect my next period. what with the scary experience of the last month and feeling nauseas at everything possible, the hypochondriac in me is already having a heart attack. even thought she knows it’s too early. just how too early?
and did you know, i’m a quarter native? i know, crazy!
