you can’t keep doing this.
you have to stop attacking people, even when it feels like they did it first. this is not preschool and “he started it” does not fly. the best case scenario is that someone will understand where you were coming from; that you’re, well, you’re kind of a bitch; that they will forgive you and in turn you can forgive them and it will be a haha “remember that fight…?” story to fill the msn conversations.
you have to stop projecting your frustrations and seeing other’s comments as spiteful attacks. maybe they are sometimes. maybe those are deserved. maybe, just maybe, things are not always how you view them and since there are 3 sides to every story, you have to be able to step outside. outside both perspectives.
you may have blown off a really good friend. someone that you consider family, except that they’ve been pushing you away lately. for understandable and predictable reasons.
for what? cuz you got pissed at what you deemed as a personal guilt-trip and instead of talking about it, you took the passive road and then when the road curved around to meet you again, you jackhammered the shit out of it. fancy nancy keeps saying “i have to be the bigger person” about various details within her own life and you usually make a joke about how it’s easier and more initially pleasing to be the smaller person – or at the least, the medium person. maybe you should start taking notes from her.
you are apologetic and for the first time ever, since you’ve been asked to give this attackee a few days, you’re going to. i know you’d like to run over and buy said attackee off with one million pink post-its covered in green hand-drawn alligator and fresh cooked ba-con, but you have to let attackee do what attackee needs to do because you cannot control everything about what people think of you and how they will or won’t treat you.
you will not email, even to apologize again. you will not IM, even to say, okay, i’ll leave you alone. you will not be that needy 15-year old girl that is hiding inside of you. you will not obsess. okay, you will. breathe, try to reconsider the situation from all angles, try to figure out a workable solution/conversation, try to forget about it until it’s the right time to think about it.
you know, do all of the things that are not part of your makeup cuz said attackee is too important to you to lose.
you will realize also that because you are sorry and no longer in a rage, it does not mean that everything is 100% your fault and the obvious solution is not necessarily to give in to whatever demands or assumed wishes there may be. that doesn’t help with other people, does it? then cut it the fuck out.
and while you’re at it, try to figure out who is doing this warning that friends have said they’ve received. try to figure out what they may be warning them of? what is there to warn about you, besides the obvious bitchiness that you will generally admit to*? why does everyone else seem to know you, when you have little fucking clue who you are? and why do they already know that you’re bad, when you seem to think you’re generally good?
*during non bitchy moments. during bitchy moments, you will deny deny deny.
