this day, we have somehow become a board game family. anywhore, i was saying that for xmas, i got the family feud home game and dr. daddy got life, the pirates of the caribbean version.
for new years, we, played board games in virtual silent mode, since zoë was sleeping. i am still impressed that secret asian man and i managed to talk with a pirate accent for about 3 hours straight. and so, a few days later, genius hit fancy nancy and she came up with some other family feud polling questions and their top answers. here is her funny-ass epiphany (i love my family):
TOP TEN THINGS MEN NOTICE FIRST ABOUT WOMEN
- LEGS
- BREASTS
- LIPS
- BREASTS
- HAIR
- BREASTS
- GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT (IE. BUYING HIM THINGS)
- BREASTS
*NOTICE THERE IS NO MENTION OF INTELLIGENCE OR LACK THERE OF. WHO CARES, SHE HAS BREASTS!
TOP 10 PLACES TO HAVE SEX OTHER THAN YOUR BED
- SOMEONE ELSE’S BED
- YOUR LIVINGROOM COUCH
- YOUR LIVINGROOM FLOOR
- SOMEONE ELSE’S’ LIVINGROOM COUCH
- SOMEONE ELSE’S’ LIVINGROOM FLOOR
- BATHROOMS (NO SPECIFIC LOCATION)
- CARS (NOT SPECIFICALLY BELONGING TO YOU)
- OFFICE DESKS (PREFERABLY WITH THE DOOR LOCKED)
- TENTS (OUTDOOR STUFF IS SEXY)
- ELEVATORS (STUCK BETWEEN FLOORS ON PURPOSE OR ACCIDENTALLY)
*NOTICE HOT TUBS AND BEACHES THOUGH SEXY “SOUNDING” ARE DIFFICULT AND MAY CAUSE RASHES AND STUFF (SAND IS ABRASIVE AND CHLORINE – WELL THE WARNINGS ON THE BLEACH BOTTLES ARE THERE FOR A REASON) PLUS PEOPLE FART IN HOT TUBS- NOT SEXY
TOP 7 EXCUSES MEN HAVE FOR WHY THEY DON’T CALL WOMEN
- MY CELL PHONE BATTERY DIED AND I DIDN’T HAVE A CHANCE TO CHARGE IT
- I FELL ASLEEP OR BECAME UNCONSCIOUS IN SOME WAY
- I THOUGHT ABOUT IT BUT THEN – I FORGOT
- I WAS GOING TO SEE HER ANYWAY – EVENTUALLY
- I AM BASICALLY LAZY AND DON’T WANT TO PUT VALUABLE ENERGY INTO SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE SPORTS/FOOD/MONEY/SEX – LIKE TALKING
- SHE’LL MAKE ME THINK ABOUT STUFF
- I THINK I MIGHT CALL THAT OTHER WOMAN WITH THE BIGGER BREASTS THAT GAVE ME “THE LOOK” THE OTHER DAY/WEEK/MONTH
TOP 7 REASONS WOMEN GIVE FOR WHY MEN DON’T CALL THEM:
- HE’S SO DEDICATED TO HIS FAMILY/WORK AND HAD TO HELP WITH SOMETHING REALLY, REALLY URGENT
- HE’S WAITING TO CREATE SEXUAL EXCITEMENT THROUGH AN ANTICIPATION STRATEGY
- HE’S BEING CONSIDERATE BECAUSE HE KNOWS HOW HARD I’VE BEEN WORKING LATELY AND I NEED MY REST
- HE’S NOT SELFISH AND EGOTISTICAL – JUST CUTELY ABSENT-MINDED
- HE DOESN’T WANT TO COME ON TOO STRONG IN CASE I GET SCARED OFF BY HIS OVER-WHELMING AFFECTION AND ATTENTIVENESS TO MY NEEDS AND DESIRES
- HE DOESN’T FIND MY CONVERSATIONS INTERESTING ENOUGH TO WANT TO TALK TO ME – I NEED TO IMPROVE – MAYBE GO BACK TO SCHOOL
- HE PROBABLY DECIDED MY BREASTS WERE TOO SMALL
