last night, amidst some witty banter, we started talking about why this happens everytime. what is it about my personality that causes some chick(s) to make 8+ hours of my day a living hell, in every place i’ve ever been? and why do i always put up with it? i always leave, eventually, cuz i can’t stand it anymore. and then i get screwed, record wise.
the doctor says it’s cuz i make people feel threatened cuz i’m strong, take charge and generally come into a new situation and within a short time, basically own it. he’s so sweet. and the reason why this always happens to me is not that there’s something wrong with me, per se – it that’s there’s something wrong with these girls, who think that they’re women and really are 15-year olds gossipping their asses off.
here’s the deal: i, for the most part, will fess up if i have a problem. i will not say anything behind someone’s back that i wouldn’t say to their face. outside of the prying eyes of clients. but for the most part, the doctor has been my “let me get it all out today, so that i can go back tomorrow” go-to guy. it just works that way between us. i get to hear the shit about people he works with too, so he has the opportunity to get it out in a neutral environment, without doing/saying something that he’s going to regret.
thing is, i don’t consider that gossipy or back-stabbish for 2 reasons. one, it’s being said to someone that has been and sometimes still can be considered the other half of me – it’s like i’m saying it to myself – not just anyone. two, i’m not hurting anyone by it and in fact, do it so as not to hurt anyone.
it’s better than screaming at the top of my lungs, “you aren’t good at what you do-but sometimes, you’re almost good enough.” orrrr….something. “yes, you are fat.”
Fuck, i always gotta go to the fat comments.
either way, it’s driving me mentaller than i already am and i just found more shit talking, in addition and in response to yesterday’s. “welcome to the world of i told you so, bitch” is what i have to say about the shit that i got to read.
so yeah, not like i’d do anything about it. but
“fuck, piss yourself for all i care.”
to end this on a positive note, sorta, the doctor does kick ass for standing up for me, eh? even if he’d prolly hate me after working with me for 10 minutes, too?
