moving went well. like, i didn’t have to do anything and when i tried to lift a shoebox of pictures, jer stopped me and was like “be careful! dont strain your self!” normally, i would have punched him for that, cuz being skinny for so many years has led to a total lack of upper body strength [i have to get someone to pour a new 4L of milk, otherwise i spill it all over and get pissed off and maybe just pour the whole thing out, so most of the time i buy 2L, almost everyday], but he was serious and not bugging me.
he let me unpack the clothes and toiletries. but kept making me sit down and rest.
the other night i was all emo and phat and walking around in my big, stuffed reindeer head slippers, black socks, a waaay too small kids teeshirt [a canucks one, if you care to visualize], white little-girl panties and a touque, i think, and i was like, “yeah, i know i’m hot” cuz he was laughing at me. and he said that i was still hot cuz it’s not like i have this big gut from drinking a 2-4 everynight.
this big gut, by the way, is starting to look like of pointed. my profile, instead of being chubby-girl round is kinda sideways conehead-ish. does this mean that my baby will look like dan akroyd? i don’t know how to spell his name and i don’t care, cuz he was a CONEHEAD.
i had to go to therapy today. i have to work on accepting that i’m not perfect [no fuck] and that it’s okay to be that way [yeah, well, maybe for you - i prefer feeling like a failure, thankyouverymuch]. i have to go back on medication. Zoloft this time. not back on the lithium, yet, cuz i’m depressive and lithium can make people MANIC and PSYCHOTIC if they’re not actually cycling. i was though, so it’s something to ‘explore’.
another thing to blame this kid for, i guess. poor bastard’s coming out to a laundry list, before it’s even taken it’s first breath.
YOU made me fat. dumb. sick. sore. crazier. sadder. suicidal. have a boyfriend. stop drinking. stop smoking pot. stop smoking cigarettes [as if i've done that, yet]. want to only sleep and never look in a mirror again. go “ooooh” at miniature clothing. rub myself in public. eat large volumes of egg salad sandwiches and baby garlic dill pickles. and chips and hot sauce. and WHOLE FAT dairy products. and buy $80 MATERNITY jeans [which may actually be cooler than my regular jeans - so touche - but you broke the zipper of the regular jeans, so BAH to you].
the best thing about our new apartment is that there is a 7-11 35 feet outside our apartment. so i can get nachos and egg salad sandwiches at 8:03 pm and even go in my pajamas if i want to. and if i go out the back door in the opposite 35 feet direction, there’s a starbucks.
and 2 blocks away is a Vera’s Burger Shack. when i was a vegetarian, i couldn’t walk past that place, because the smell of beef and grease was soooooo latent. but now i love to eat cow carcass.
YOU made me eat dead animal.
